Peter Drucker - "The only thing we know about the future is that it will be different."

I heard I pretty good talk today about the upcoming new year. Apart from the usual babble about resolutions (or, "goals" for you p.c. types), I thought the speaker did a great job of re-emphasizing the importance of paying attention during our waking hours and not giving in to the overwhelming influence of popular culture: to numb ourselves with entertainment and distraction.
I don't want to set a bunch of silly benchmarks for myself; I want to simply keep growing and learning. Stagnation is my worst fear. It usually leads to depression and/or angst. I don't know what my future holds. I have a pretty strong intuition that it will different, and I like surprises . . .

C.S. Lewis - Mere change is not growth. Growth is the synthesis of change and continuity, and where there is no continuity there is no growth.

P.S. Process, process, process, Ben. Patience!

Please light a candle as a prayer for whatever you deem important in your life!

Light A Candle

Bill Watterson - "There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do."

(And I would argue that doing nothing is sometimes what we really need to do most!!!)


"If you love truth, be a lover of silence. Silence, like the sunlight will illuminate you in God."
---St. Issac - 7th Century Hermit Monk

Shhhhh . . . .

www.gratefulness.org

No longer wanting to play 'pretend I'm fine' anymore about my mental health, I came clean to most of my immediate family on Christmas Eve. That was probably not a great timing move on my part, but I knew that if I didn't do it then, I would be ruining any chance of enjoying Christmas Day. I feel somewhat relieved that they understand a little bit better now that I'm not just 'weird' or 'moody.' (Although, I think sometimes I really am just weird/moody.)
Some days are good; others are not so good. I've learned a lot, though, through all of this mess. I like the following quotation: I think it sums up the positive side of my faulty wiring---


"A sacred illness is one that educates us and alters us from the inside out, provides experiences and therefore knowledge that we could not possibly achieve in any other way." by Deena Metzger

I guess I'm grateful in the sense that, without this very humbling experience, I might be an even bigger a*#hole!!!

Benny

Go see the movie "Unaccompanied Minors." There is a lot more going on in this film than just a silly, kids' movie. It handles some very serious themes such as abandonment and divorce. There are plenty of laughs (especially from my guy Lewis Black) and it's kid-friendly: no bad language, etc. A great film, not because of any superb plot, but beause it has the balls to speak to the effects of divorce from a teen perspective. Go see it!

So, although my email address would suggest that I'm a softy, I haven't felt that peaceful about some things. I have just a tad bit of restlessness inside. Whether that's good or bad, I'm not sure. I've had some scary panic attacks lately. I feel out-of-control during those, but I know I can survive these episodes. Sometimes I worry what I'll do when I am freaking out because it generally happens out in public and far from home. Being home seems to lessen the anxiety. Some of the time, I'm a gentle bear; sometimes: not so much. But, I am always alvailable for a big, bear hug, though!
Please feed this bear!!! (Hint: he likes pizza)

"Toke" a look at this!

Need to chill? If you have the means, I 'highly' recommend you pick-up a copy of David Crosby's "If I Could Only Remember My Name . . . " This CD will make you long for the days of vinyl!

If I Could Only Remember My Name by Crosby, David (Audio CD)

So, I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm going through this 1/3-life crisis: reviewing and reliving a few childhood memories. Stuff like pro wrestling. I watched a documentary on the Ultimate Warrior and the LOD (greatest tag team ever!). I even watch Hulk Hogan's "reality" show on VH1, brother. What's happening to me? My all-time fav was the Superfly Jimmy Snuka. I still wish I had his hang-time. Oh, well.
Anyway, if you see me with my face painted and I drop an elbow on you---at least you'll know why . . .

"I like things to happen, and if they don't happen, I like to make them happen"
-Winston Churchill

That probably makes me annoying to most people. I like change. If you're not changing, you are dying. Sometimes, I think change for the sake of change is good, too. It's also why I didn't do well in the military (OK, that's just ONE reason!).

Way too much time on my hands!

Discover your pimp name at www.playerappreciate.com

Ben Wilcox

Can I trust the silence to speak to me?
What can make me whole again?
My path covered by leaves:
The colors obscure the way.
Come now heaven and pour out the water
Which cleanses everything.
My feet scuffle as I shuffle
Along the crackling ground of Fall.
In my heart, it's already Winter
& Dry, so very dry--
(Might that I could fly instead!)
Could the snow melt my soul?
It's raining now;
All I hear is water.
Are You in it?







Ben Wilcox

Holy Spirit,

Will you come and meet me in the lonely places
where my self gets in the way?
Can you teach me to turn and face
the voice who beckons me to pray?
I fight against the dark I see
with head bowed & eyes closed.
Images interrupt, thoughts distract,
Peace and comfort rarely flow.
Where is the companion,
promised to reveal?
Where do I find this Man
who's suppossed to break every seal?
How can I trust the quiet not to lie?
What posture is required?
How should I approach the eyes?
The gaze of heaven is heavy
And solace is hardly found.


Will the silence rob my vision?
Can ignorance cloud my sight?
Open my ears, then;
I can't see to listen.
Frightened to consider
the revelation of "me."


Will you lift my head to see?
Could my eyes be raised to hear?
Ben Wilcox

Jesus,

I want you to be my best friend & big brother. I never had one of those growing up. Until recently, I don't think I ever took the time to think about that. I think it would have been cool to have one (apart from getting beat-up sometimes!). I am an older brother, though. I often wonder what kind of brother I truly am. I think my advice could be better and more loving. I actually am trying not to give advice unless asked first. Ha-ha. That's tough to do.
Would you be my brother? I'll take all the advice I can get. I need it desperately. I know you want to hang out. That's what I really need right now. I've been looking in all the wrong places. My TV is always there for me, but it rarely has anything good to say or show me.
Would you show me something good? Something good about me?
Maybe then I can show others what is good about themselves . . . That's what you did, right?
Please forgive me for screwing up my job as a big brother. Thank you for the opportunities you've given, and give, me to try. Might I resemble you as I try, try again.
I love you, LORD.
Benny



Ben Wilcox

Snooze Button Books?

"If the book we are reading does not wake us, as with a fist hammering on our skull, why then do we read it? . . . A book must be like an ice-axe to break the sea frozen inside us."
-Frank Kafka

So, what have you been reading lately? Do you read a few pages before bed, or does it keep you up long past midnight?

A Franciscan Benediction:

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Loving LORD,

I considered a sunset today. You came up with that idea, right? What an amazing expression of beauty and breath-taking promise of hope. You: the designer of the sun. You: the maker of heaven and earth. You: able to care for one and all. You: who left heaven once for everyone. You: who designed---me? I don't get it. Why should I even be mentioned at all in relation with the majesty and wonder of your ingenious power? Yet, I guess to dismiss myself (given that you are my Creator God), would be in some way dismissing You. I can't do that, Father. How can I criticize your work? Who am I? Will you help me once again? Will you assist my understanding of how you could put on a nightly performance of awe-inspiring hues and lights and yet make yourself available to pitiful me? Can the Father of all light really be my dad?
You, God, your love is awe-inspiring to me. As I so readily enjoy and receive the nightly sunset showing and exuberantly praise its maker and producer, will you help me to relax in the enjoyment and wonder of your love to me? I praise my maker. I honor my Father. May your love set on me: every day and every night.

"The extravagantly orchestrated skies . . . are not background to provide a little beauty on the periphery of the god-like ego; they are the large beauty in which we find our true home, room in which to live . . . Christ expansively, openhearted in praise."
Eugene Peterson

Good Grief!!!

How many times have I searched for just the right thing to say to someone who is really going through a hard time because of personal loss? All I can generally muster is a hardy, "I'm so sorry." Or, "How are you doing?" Well, they just lost someone through either divorce or death; so, take a wild guess as to how they are doing. Uh, 'poorly' would probably be a good start, right? When visiting with those in mourning, why do we feel the need to say something? A warm hand to hold, a gentle, sideways hug, or the offering of true compassion that is conveyed through a sincere look on the face--all of these silent expressions of love do more than any 'worthy-of-a-Hallmark-card' word or phrase could possible hope to accomplish. If you really want to assist someone with their pain, you must merely offer your presence. Your 'being there' is needed more than any boquet or card. Please don't insist that the person contact you first. Go. Initiate and respond. If sent away, don't remain gone for long. Don't pester, but avail truly avail your self. All of you. Be fully present: mind and body. Speak only when spoken to. Leave cliche at the door along with your pride and best intentions. You must simply arrive. Worry not about appearance or tact for yours is not to cheer or offend. Yours is to be. I offer you these simple instructions, "Sit Down and Shut Up!"
Four little words that could serve us all well.

Ben Wilcox

Dear God,

It's way too early in the morning. How do you do it? I'm tired but excited about my meeting this morning. Another chance to raise the awareness level. Thanks!

Were you listening when Mom gave me that great compliment yesterday? You know, that was really YOUR compliment, though. YOU made me; YOU created me. So, would you take the credit for what she said? I don't try to do anything special, but for some reason, people really appreciate me sometimes. Appreciate what? If they only knew the things I've done wrong and the thoughts that I entertain all too frequently. Maybe then they wouldn't be so quick to praise. Thank you for forgiving me. Can you keep me from stupid sin? I know that it's my life, but you could sort of steer me away from dumb stuff, right? That might greatly improve my chances.

I'm getting better at this notion that you think I'm pretty cool. You really do want to spend time with me, spend the day with me, waste time together? Are you SURE about that? I have difficulty believing that. It seems like nobody has time to just waste anymore. (Time is money, and all that nonsense.)

I'm sorry I told that stupid joke about you at the theater, too. I just really hate the whole WWJD thing. You know why. Can you possibly be as sarcastic as I am?

Little J has a 'message of the day.' It seems to work well for him. Could we try it? What's mine for today? Could I suggest, "Shut up and listen more?" Man, I need to do that.

There are some things I'm starting to see about myself. I like them. Could you please continue with whatever it is you are doing? Could we build something together? You know why that's a tough one for me, but I am ready now.

Where DO you put all the junk I ask you to take from me? It's got to be quite the pile by now! I'm glad I never have to see it.

Well, I'm about to go outside and start my day, so to speak. I guess it really started some time ago, though, didn't it?

I love you.

"Just" Prayer?

Dear Reader,
As you may know I have many faults and shortcomings (please do not reply to this with your opinions and additions to the list!), one of my most troublesome is my inability to pray. More specifically, I often fail to pray effectively. My perception of effective prayer is not measured by outcome per se, but I do want to know that my prayers are aligned with God's word, are not half-hearted, and are received by God as pleasing because of my faith, faithfulness, and earnest seeking.
I've been reading a great book on the subject of recapturing the originally intended essence and nature of prayer by Eugene Peterson,

Where Your Treasure Is: Psalms That Summon You from Self to Community

In it, he quotes Richard Foster, "To pray is to change. Prayer is the central avenue God uses to transform us. If we are unwilling to change, we will abandon prayer as a noticeable characteristic of our lives. The closer we come to the heartbeat of God the more we see our need and the more we desire to be conformed to Christ. To pray is to change."

I assume most true Christians want to know and have the heart of God--in every part of our lives. We have little trouble perceiving our greatest needs and wants. So, what do we do about it? That's our first instinct isn't it? Just do something, anything !!!
So often as Christ followers we view prayer as the last ditch effort to bring in the cavalry. Whether we realize it or not, we usually try to do everything in our own power to help fix a situation, offer keen advice to a person in pain, or create a plan of action for whatever it is we are up against. When all else fails, "Let's pray about it." I've said that a million times to people for whom I've had no reasonable answer or advice to give. "I'll be praying for you." "I'll be praying about that." It may be Christendom's greatest cliché. Do we really pray, though? I know I don't. Not like I should. Not as often as I tell people that I will. I'm ashamed of that.
Maybe this time, in this instance, in these circumstances throughout our country and world (it's not really "ours" though; is it?), maybe we can ask, seek, and knock first. Maybe when a troubling subject arises, I'll be the first one to hit the floor and seek God with earnest. I hope I will. It's scary for me though because encounters with God leave a mark. Personal growth hurts. What will God bring to my attention that I don't want to look at or talk about? But, this isn't about me, is it? I'm not as important as God's will for hurting people or injustice. I need to be constantly summoned away from myself. I think we do that through, and in, prayer.
The right things to do and say are available and 'knowable.' When, or how, will we recognize them? I'm not sure.
But, I'll pray about it.




Ben Wilcox

Dear God,

I know you are there. Though sometimes I wonder, are you here, Jesus? How can you be? How could you possibly attend to all the real important stuff going on in the world and still have time for me?
I'm not sure what to say a lot of the time. It's like calling a psychic, shouldn't you already KNOW what I will say anyway?!?
I forget you are there, too. I am sorry for neglecting you. I am so sorry for so much: things I've done, things I've said, and for the people I have hurt. How can I become like you?
I can't believe that you want me to call you, "Daddy." Isn't that not-reverent-enough? How about, "LORD Dad?" "King Pop?" "Almighty Father." When is one appropriate and the other not? If I don't know how to address you, it's going to be hard to get to know each other.
I want to know you, but why in the world would you want to know me? I'm sort of a dork most of the time. I do so very few things well. A lot of the time, I think I'm nuts; if you really do desire to have an intimate relationship with me, watch out!
I have a hard time asking for help, too. Could you help me with that?
Do you really want to give me good gifts? Things that are good for me? I generally suck at determining what's good for me and what isn't. I've hurt myself quite a few times, and, more than once, blamed it on you. Will you forgive me for that as well?
This whole "Dad" thing is sometimes hard for me to grasp. You know my issues with that, right? So, this may take awhile to get used to, O.K.? Could you be patient with me, please?
More than anything, I want you to know that I'm willing. I'm thankful that you are willing, too. Thank you for not forcing anything. I know it's taken me awhile to come around again. I know we can't make up for lost time, but you redeem stuff, right? Could you redeem my pain? I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I deserve it, but I hurt.
I would have liked to have hung out with David. Could you teach me like you did him? My heart's in need of a good teacher. He was a writer, too.
This honesty stuff is wearing me out, and I've noticed my keyboard is wet. Can I talk to you later? I love you. I love you, Father. I love you, Daddy. Man, that felt good.
Thanks,
Benny

Ben Wilcox

Random advice

Travel tip:

If ever you connect through, or leave from, the Atlanta airport and need to quickly make it past security, there is a little known, somewhat secret line #1 that snakes around to the right. Nobody seems to realize it's available because they assume it's for employees only (It does appear to be). However, it's open to the public; I've used it twice in the past year or two with almost no delay at all. Check it out: it's worth a shot.

Ben Wilcox

I'm not the only one

"I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly
My heroes had the heart to
Lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done
Maybe I'm crazy"
by Gnarls Barkley

My parents reared me to always speak my mind. This trait has served me well at certain times, and at others this habit has placed me in a lot of hot water. I'm passionate and emotional. I've cried in front of everyone I know and a lot of folks I've never met. I'm willing to not be right 100% of the time. I've always dreamt vividly and tried to put my effort into causes that truly matter (at least, I thought they did at the time). I've often failed, and there have been so many moments in my life of which I am deeply regretful. With the recent loss of my job, and due to a lot of time spent in thoughtful reflection and prayer, something is beginning to emerge from within me that is growing more and more unsettling. This dis-ease and dis-satisfaction I feel is gaining clarity and strength.
I had a conversation with two men who proclaim to follow Christ. I sincerely believe that they do their best in that worthwhile pursuit. However, I'm troubled by the reaction I got from them when I commented about the state of affairs in the American Church regarding a certain issue: the divorce rate amongst people who claim to be "Born Again." [For those of you unfamiliar with the term, Born Again generally refers to the idea that the person has had a personal experience with Jesus and surrenders/dedicates their life to his teaching and his way of life. In other words, these folks pursue Christlikeness.] One thing that Jesus teaches is that what we may give up on due to perceived limits or lack of resources is never impossible according to his abilities and imagination. (See: Matthew 19:26; Luke 1:37)
Anyway, when I asserted that I would like to see the day when our church no longer needed its Divorce Recovery program due to lack of need, they laughed. I believe the exact response was, "Yeah that'll happen, Ben; the same day Jesus comes back!" I know they believe that Jesus is returning. What pissed me off was their disbelief that something seemingly impossible: that increasing numbers of married couples, both of whom are committed to Christ, could actually remain married, and, consequently, the number of divorces within the walls of the American Church would dramatically decrease---this unbelief, this lack of faith, this all-too-common practice of regarding the sayings of Christ as cliches fit only for dismissive remarks when we don't know what to say to someone whose life circumstances have left them void of hope and left us otherwise speechless---this was the attitude that angered me so. Am I crazy? Am I that mentally ill to assume that when Jesus said something then, he meant it to still be true today? I've been searching for years for the one thing to which I could give my life. One cause. One mission. My heroes have lived on the fringes of what the majority would consider impossiblity. Take a flippin' risk. Believe in something. Preferrably something bigger than yourself. Maybe you'll even have some fun.
There is something pleasant in stepping out of the traffic, so to speak, long enough to figure out what you are crazy enough to get your self into.
So maybe I'm crazy. I just need a little faith, right? (Matthew 17:20)
A speck of hope?
I know too much to pretend to be unaware. I believe too much to be inactive. This doesn't make me a better person, nor does it mean I'll ever be completely successful before my time here on earth is finished. It just makes me committed. Maybe they'll commit me! Maybe I'm crazy. I know that I'm not really in control anyway. If nothing else, it gives me something to do. "And I can die when I'm done."


Ben Wilcox

David the Conference Junkie vs. Onslaught of Goliath Vendors

First, I'm in Atlanta at a Church leadership conference for young adults (http://www.catalystconference.com/) and I'm illegally passing out the paperback annoucement for Between Two Worlds (http://betweentwoworlds.org/). Can I go to jail for that? Maybe the worst that can happen is a littering ticket. Anyway, they have a ton of vendors here (the Christian term is "exhibitors"), and so it's like being at a shopping mall where you get the constant, "Sir, what wireless service do you have?" from the booths in the middle of the hallway. Except here, I'm getting nailed by the promotional, foam footballs from the next, great, youth, 'sports ministry' trying to get me to sign-up. (I would register, but I can't remember my name due to the head trauma I received from the aforementioned $.05 ball that impacted my skull) I've already inquired as to how I can get a booth at next year's conference (the audience is expected to be about 10,000!) promoting BTW and Oasis.
Secondly, we are now giving BTW to the parent(s) of the children of divorce in our program. Duh! This should have been the FIRST population of people that I thought of when asking, "Who HAS to read this?"
Third, I've also been pimping our bookstore folks pretty hard to better display the BTW workshop CDs, see: http://willowcreek.org/seeds.asp and the book version (when they come in--even though I am able to get them in two days or less from booksamillion. Go figure!). So, now the CDs are next to the registers, WAL-MART style. Hopefully that will produce some impulse buying: just like the lip balm and M&M's with which I almost walk out of the store if it weren't for those life-saving displays in the check-out aisle.
I don't know whether or not we can set up a booth next year at this conference. However, I love the idea that we could set something with the sole purpose of helping Churches help hurting kids---at no charge!
Lastly, imagine that: someone eating the cost of ministry so that more can be done in the name of Jesus. Wow. What a novel idea. Free love.
If I do make it back there as a vendor--oops, I mean 'exhibitor'--I think I'll leave my bullhorn and footballs at home.
Ben Wilcox

Blue Like My Sweatshirt

Two amazing things--no, three that happened to me, or about me, or just happened. No fault of my own. I certainly didn't earn them.
1. I got to have breakfast with an amazing man whom I truly admire and respect. I got to receive his wisdom and share a little of who I am.
2. I had a great visit with my dad.
3. I participated in an interview for an upcoming DVD How Divorce Changes Childhood. I hope it will be released this year.

This morning as I sat and listened to Donald "Not the Rock" Miller, http://www.donaldmillerwords.com/ speak about the evolution, or de-evolution, of the Church since the time of Christ (I believe this CD will be available at www.willowcreek.org/seeds.asp ), I thought, "How simple." How revolutionary his illustration of how our job as Christ-followers was to reunite orphaned or separated children to their father. Hmmm. He even went so far as to compare it to a dating service: setting people up on a blind date with God. Too much sales pitch scares off the potential "daters."

He said that if he were the devil, he'd do two things. First, give really weird people a T.V. ministry. Second, make Christians fight people on CNN. That way all of us look like racists, bigots, and hypocrites. We owe a lot of people an apology . . .



Ben Wilcox

Systemic Abandonment

"Twenty-five percent of the people polled in a recent national inquiry into American morality said that for 10 million they would abandon their entire family; a large number of people are evidently willing to do the same thing for free."
Stephanie Coontz, The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap


Are we abandoning our children and adolescents? In the very acts many parents to take to involve their kids in activities that will "build character," in the school systems that assign students hours and hours of homework (in addition to long sports pratices, clubs, extracirricular activites, all in the name of preparing them for the "real world"), in the fragmented family structures that have resulted from adults taking advantage of 'no-fault' divorces, in the labels we so readily assign to those kids who 'can't cut it'---'aren't athletic'---'are slow'---'are too sensitive,' in the insistence that kids find a job while still in school, in stretching them beyond their developmental capabilities to make us feel like we are really providing a great childhood and 'all the things we never had,' in all of these things and more, is society robbing kids of their childhood?

Thanks to the book Hurt, by Chap Clark, it's clear to me that so many things we do for kids may actually be for us---not them. The oversimplified result of his studies is that our act of being there: providing a safe, consistent, and loving physical presence in our kids' lives, is the best thing we can be doing.

"We have evolved to the point that where we believe driving is support, being active is love, and providing any and every opportunity is selfless nurture. We are a culture that has forgotten how to be together. Rather than being with children . . . or setting them free to enjoy semi-supervised activities such as 'play,' we as a culture have looked to outside organizations and structured agendas to fill [children's] lives. The systemic pressure on American children is immense. Too many of us actually enjoy the athletic, cultural, or artisitic baby-sitting service provided by those paid by the organizations. Even with the best of intentions, the way we raise, train, and even parent our children today exhibits attitudes and behaviors that are simply subtle forms of parental abandonment."

I think instead of conveniently changing the definition of the word family as often as we'd like to suit our dynamically selfish needs, more could be done to see to the real problem with today's youth. They feel lonely, unlistened to, and left on their own to figure out the way life is supposed to work. They feel used and manipulated by the very adults who may be behind the wheel of the minivan they are sitting in.
Ben Wilcox

A Timely Re-run

The Postmodern Prodigal

He just had to get out,
Couldn’t take it anymore;
He was finally gonna see
What this big world had in store.

Life so far had thrown him
Nothing but curves—
He was set to be out from under
& Get what he deserved.

Responsibility and restrictions,
Curfews no more—
Time to sow a few oats;
Life so far: a bore.

Taking only what was his
He walked out the door.
He never looked back—
Never thought all he had left was “more.”

Now years later,
His ‘more’ meant much less.
Could he ever go back?
Face to face, he must confess:

That he’d run away from life’s best;
He’d bought an empty dream.
Sometimes the grass
Isn’t as green as it seems.

“Would they have me back?”
He wondered aloud.
“My family I’ve abandoned and
I’ve been chasing a cloud.”

“I gave it all up:
Love, family, and grace;
I don’t deserve to have
My kids see my guilty face.”

“Please Lord, help me if you can
Make a way for me—
I’ve blown it:
I am the Prodigal Dad.”


Ben Wilcox

Wha' choo talkin' 'bout, Wilcox?

I just completed the Oswegoland Park District "i tried a triathlon'' this morning: 250m swim, 6.5 bike ride, and 2.1 mile run. It felt really good. It was fun, and I didn't puke. I finished in a little over 65 minutes, but more importantly: I finished! The swim about killed me. My wife put a LiveStrong bracelet on my bike. It kept me going, too. I kept thinking, "If some dude with one nut can win the hardest race in the world, I think I can keep pedaling."
Anyway, other than the few get-out-of-my-way, this-is-serious! people there, everybody was very supportive and nice to each other. They had all ages--even kids. I think there were entire families doing it together: really cool!
Thanks, Oswego, for putting on a great "race."

Ben Wilcox

Scar Tissue

I have a lot of scars.
Some big, some small--
Each tells bits of my story;
None tells it all.
The short ones may mean
More than the long;
A narrow gash a riddle--
Maybe a wide gouge a song.
The pain endured leaves a trail on the skin:
One sings of victory;
Another whispers a sin.



Ben Wilcox

Song for the Dying

See Jesus in the orphaned, widowed,
Men left alone.

Pull them close
Death is near
Where is our fight?

We don't look, we don't see,
Where is our light?

A touch is healing, our love a weapon
Won't we notice the plight?

There's no question to answer,
We move into the fight.

I want to hold the hand of the dying
I want to wrap arms 'round the oppressed
To cling to the filthy--
and cry with guilty--
Mourn the innocent.

"Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to death; don't stand back and let them die. Don't try to avoid responsiblity by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows all hearts, and he sees you. He keeps watch over your soul, and he knows you knew! And he will judge all people according to what they have done."
Proverbs 24:11-12


Ben Wilcox

Still or Running?

June 12, 2006

Phone interview.
Some tough questions, but I'm handling it alright.
Then,
After an hour or so--
A question:
THE question.
She got me.
I didn't see it coming.
How did she know to ask that.
Did I set myself up?
Was it that easy?
I think I might have left myself out there on the ledge . . .
You know?
Long silence.
Really long silence.
Gasping.
Grasping.
A gaping hole in time where my mind ran off with me,
But I was left holding,
On hold,
Trying to hold on to whatever composure I could come up with.
Wow.
This sucks.
Yet, it needed to be asked or said,
Didn't it?
It was only natural.
I haven't gone anywhere.
I am here.
It's leaving, slowly;
Not me.
I'm a "stay"er now, right?
I can't leave; won't leave.
Wouldn't be right.
Unthinkable.
I'm not going anywhere.
Or, have I?
But, no, I'm here.
Just hang up.
Maybe she'll say something.
Maybe I should change the subject.
No.
I need to think about this.
Any shred of truth--
Really?
O.K.
Is my voice still here?
Here we go.
Truth:
No!
I've slowed down and dealt.
Haven't I?
It's not chasing me anymore!
I won't take off.
Not now.
Not ever.
Not again.
Not me.
I am me.
I can.
I will.
Be still and know.
Right?
Still.
Yeah.
In place.
In my place.
Here.
Now.
I am still here.
I am here still.
I am still.
Me.
Imagine that.
"Running to stand still."
(Thanks, Paul.)


Ben Wilcox

The big E

"Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance
Everybody thinks its true
What is the point of this story?
What information pertains?
The thought that life could be better
Is woven indelibly
Into our hearts
And our brains"

Lyric by Paul Simon

Ever had a "one-way" conversation? You know the kind that you might be present for, but the other person never really acknowledges you once they get rolling? I experienced one of those today. It was the best talk in which I've participated in a long while, and I didn't say a word. It didn't come from a paid therapist nor a priest. However, I was paying this person a lot of money.
Today I received much clearer vision, a wake up call of sorts, from a stranger.
I've worn glasses since the third grade. I don't mean the "aren't-those-cool, some-sort-of-name-brand-framed, Gucci-hip" glasses either. I'm talking big, dorky, "God, you are blind!", turn dark in the sun, geeky, birth-control glasses. REAL heavy prescription. You need a prescription to get the prescription, OK? Maybe a special driver's license, too. Anyway, when you are as blind as I am--was, you always have to consider "your glasses." Where will I put them? Because once I take them off I'd better remember where I set them down because I'll never be able to see them again if I were to forget their placement. So, I've been through countless pairs, countless replacements, a bunch of stupid "I lost my glasses again" stories. I tried doing the 'pretend I don't wear glasses' by wearing contacts. Whatever.
All in all, for 22 years, a giant pain.
But now, three days after LASIK surgery: I'm glasses-free. Very weird. I keep thinking, because I can see so well and I know that I don't have anything on my face, "I need to take my contacts out!" It's really strange. I can see, dang it!!!
It's a miracle, and the best part is that no one had to slap me on the head, shout "Hallelujah!", and then ask for a donation.
Anyway, I paid this guy in Hinsdale a lot of dough to be free of my constraints--to live a different way--to get my sight back. But today, while in for a follow-up exam, I received more than I bargained for. I got my eyes rinsed and my heart shakened.
I read all the lines on the chart, and the good doctor read seemed to be reading my mind. In remarkably succint fashion, he told me the truth about life, the reality of living, and the cost of the alternative. He read me my chart without really examining me all that closely, yet somehow he knew just what to say. In eight minutes, I got to benefit from his experience: not only as a surgeon, which gave me freedom from glasses, but I gained an immeasurable insight, from his words, into life truths that I so desperately needed to see. I'm at a turning point in my life. (It's odd how we place so much energy and time into gaining our independence, yet it's dependence that can sometimes truly set us free.)
Everybody loves the idea of something better. Something newer or different than our "now." I wanted to see better--to see independent of aid. My doctor gave me the first wish, but I needed the "one-way conversation" we had today to capture the second. Despite my instinctive desire for independence, I benfited greatly from the aid of his sage advice. I might never need glasses again (hopefully!), but I will never know it all, I can always use a re-focusing of my life-vision onto what's really important, and I will still, even though I am 20/20 again, sometimes forget where to look---to see, to really see. Sometimes the lines get blurry, and we need some guidance. Like the song reads,
"Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance. Everybody thinks its true. . .What is the point of this story? The thought that life could be better is woven indelibly into our hearts and our brains."
Being rid of my glasses may not automatically provide me with a better life, but I know what my eyes have been readjusting to for the past few months: I need to do something to provide a better life for others. I can, I've been blessed with the resources, and I believe it's expected of me to step up and give: to serve those who can't see where they are going because their day-to-day reality is blinding despair. They have no vision of something brighter, something clearer, something better. Injustice and inequality has robbed them of their right to see a better tomorrow. Now that I am seeing clearly again, what will I do with my new-found sight? Hopefully, I'll do what is required of those who possess the ability to see: lead those who, through their life's circumstances, have lost their way. They've either forgotten where to look for hope because they set theirs down so long ago, or they have never been able to see it for themselves. Some people have just learned to live with hopelessness; just as I had learned to get used to my glasses. I just assumed that that was the way it was: you can't do anything about it. You can't do anything to change the inevitable. If you don't stop to look at someone else's problem, it can never be your problem.
Thanks to Dr. Foulkes, I see things differently now.
Thank you, Doctor.




Ben Wilcox

A little giant is loose on capital hill!

My little wife is in Washington, D.C. today, but what she is doing there is anything but small. (Because of her height, I jokingly refer to her as 'The Midge.' My midget is my hero.)
Although not an official "little person" according to any diagnostic criteria, she is quite small, but she always seems to acquire a lot of attention. I'm pretty confident she'll get the attention she needs this week as she seeks to raise the awareness of, and the amount of money allotted to, the fight against cancer.
My wife has done so many noble things, and she continues to amaze and outshine--others, AND me, most of all me. I sit (to be at eye level, otherwise I'd stand) in awe of this small wonder who is always busy making a difference in so many people's lives: her family and friends, the Church, nationally at the governmental level, and globally as well.
I'm proud of you, dear. Keep fighting & live strong. You always have.






Ben Wilcox

ONE

Letter from a ONE member reporting on what he saw and learned

"I just returned from a 7 day trip to South Africa and Zambia. What I saw changed my life. I want to tell you about my trip and let you know about billions of dollars in development assistance that is at risk this week.Each day, I saw the devastating impact of AIDS and extreme poverty, but I also saw the incredible work being done to save lives and give people the tools to provide for themselves. I visited a facility that reduced, by half, the chances of a mother transmitting HIV to their child. I met a 24 year old woman who told me that there was a good chance the anti-retrovirals she was taking would save the her baby's life. The next day, I met a widow who had become self-sufficient thanks to a micro-finance loan. With her new financial freedom, she was not only able to take care of her children, but also began caring for local orphans.The biggest lesson I took home from the trip was that folks in these countries can turn things around if given the basic resources that we take for granted here every day. That's why I was shocked to learn from the ONE campaign that within the next 2 weeks the U.S. Senate is poised to slash billions of dollars from President Bush's plan to fight AIDS and poverty.This is an outrage - and it can be stopped. Please join me in speaking out right now!The second day of the trip, I met children at an orphan care center in Zambia who had HIV\AIDS. Most of them couldn't remember their parents because they died of AIDS when they were only babies. Frederick, an HIV positive father showed me something called a "Memory Book." A scrapbook with pictures and stories about him he was putting together for his son so he would have something to remember him with after they he was gone. About 650,000 children in Zambia are AIDS orphans. They play "Duck, Duck, Goose" and "London Bridge" just like kids around the world, but without help; the problems they face are only going to get much worse. We can't let Congress cut funding that provides critical assistance to kids like these all across Africa.Senators Mike DeWine (R) and Dianne Feinstein (D) have written a letter to their colleagues in the Senate asking them to stop these devastating cuts in funding for the fight against AIDS and extreme poverty. With just 30 seconds of your time, you can send a quick note to your Senators asking them to support this funding and add their signature to this important letter. The work we are doing on the ONE Campaign will change the world. It already has. Let's keep up the pressure and make sure they know we won't let billions of dollars in cuts to the President's request for the world's poor go unnoticed.Ask your Senator to support critical development assistance"

P.S. Click here to join communities around the world for the AIDS Candlelight Memorial on May 21.

Isn't there a Walgreen's on every corner!?!

In some places--like the U.S.--yes. In developing countries, not so much.

Fill in the blank:
"An estimated 1,205 children die from ________ disease each day"

What did you guess? Malaria? Bird Flu? Pneumonia? Colds? AIDS? Some other gastly, untreatable bug?

Nope. All wrong. Kids are dying in that quantity from=== diarrhea??? (actually, it's formally called 'rotavirus') Why? How can that be?
Here's the rest of that statistical sentence:

" . . . and 82% of these deaths occur in children in the poorest countries." (Italics mine)

Hmmmm. But, aren't, like, diarrhea medicines really cheap? Really accessible? Of course. Then, why so many deaths? Shouldn't/couldn't most of these deaths be prevented? You would think.

"For persons with healthy immune systems, rotavirus gastroenteritis is a self-limited illness, lasting for only a few days. Treatment is nonspecific and consists of oral rehydration therapy to prevent dehydration."

Right! So, get these kids some water, and let's call it a day! Problem solved. Except---what if water isn't accessible? Or, what water there is isn't potable? Also, what if the kid doesn't have a "healthy immune system?"

"ac·ces·si·ble adj.
1. Easily approached or entered.
2. Easily obtained: accessible money."

I just finished taking a class in child psychology. What was very interesting to me was that, through research done mostly in the U.S., it's found that most of the disorders that might develop seem to be more prevelant in kids from lower socioeconomic class families. What's with this link between how much money you have and how sick you are?

Ahhh, I over-react. I'm sure Walgreen's is just about to launch their new wave of store openings in Zambia. Yep. ANY DAY NOW . . .

I'm so glad none of this is MY problem. Aren't you?


http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvrd/revb/gastro/rotavirus.htm


Ben Wilcox

Oh, Popeye!?!

What are three things you can't stand? I mean REAL things--not stuff like 'traffic' or 'stupid people.' I am interested in issues and ideas and idealogies, etc. What are your top three?

Here's a good one:
Read----

My Problem with Christianism
May. 15, 2006 By Andrew SullivanA believer spells out the difference between faith and a political agenda . . .



Ben Wilcox

Punt, pass, or kick?

Here's an interesting article regarding the custody issue found on Elizabeth Marquardt's blog:(http://www.familyscholars.org/index.php)

"A long article in the Christian Science Monitor, here. "

Thank God I was old enough to not have to do much of the 'two-household-shuffle.' I feel so badly for kids that do.
I was emailing a friend of mine who is a youth minister in his "spare" time (ha-ha), and he had commented how it seems that today's adolescents experience more "drama" (his word) than we did at the same age(s). I wonder why? I believe a big part of it is the increased prevalence of divorce.

Your thoughts? Do today's adolescents really face more stressors than those of us Gen X and older did in our day?



Ben Wilcox

A Quick Write?

Check out
Continue reading "Contest for my entertainment"

My bud is hosting a writing exhibition with some constraints. Enjoy!!!

Maybe I can add some new material here soon.
I mean--after all, Blogger doesn't pay me to just sit around and do nothing; nope--the FAA does that quite well.


Ben Wilcox

Finishing Well

I've recently been contemplating a paradigm shift regarding a popular life metaphor: "life is a marathon." According to one well-respected physiologist, who works with pro athletes and FBI agents on a regular basis, life actually resembles a series of sprints.
In context then, I feel like I just finished one sprint and am in need of replenishment because I can see the starting line for my next dash. I am having to learn to breathe differently and fuel myself more efficiently because of my altered view on what it takes to finish well. Currently, I am marking time at my job. That's about it. The good news: the end is in sight. It's both scary and exciting to realize that this portion of my race is almost over. This past year has been so much more than just work woes, however. It's been a bunch of hurdles which I can retrospectively recognize as developmental challenges in character, patience, and humility. (I have the 'skinned knees' to prove it!)
As previously stated, my next taking-off point is almost visible, but I have no map of the course. All I can do is respond to the starter's gun and try not to stumble out of the gate.
I'm about to set off with a slightly different identity and purpose. I hope that I pace myself well enough to reach the end of the next leg of my journey successfully. What does that success look like? I'm not sure, but I think it has a lot to do with navigating whatever lies ahead with integrity and the right perspective: that my life will resemble a dynamic, challenging series of sprints in which I'm tested constantly. I want to finish well. I want to do well enough to hear applause streaming from the bleachers. Fortunately, my audience is only one.


Ben Wilcox

In dire need

"an·a·bi·o·sis ( P ) Pronunciation Key (n-b-ss)n.
A restoring to life from a deathlike condition; resuscitation.
A state of suspended animation, especially one in which certain aquatic invertebrates are able to survive long periods of drought.
[Greek anabisis, from anabioun, to return to life : ana-, ana- + bioun, to live (from bios, life).]"

Every year, without fail, Easter rolls around. Somehow, although I consider myself a long-time Christian, I forget about the importance of Easter. I usually place more emphatic expectation on the Christmas celebration. Why? Is it because of the gifts I will recieve? Or, is it because of the commercial & retail sales boon and all its entrapments? Whatever the case, somehow Easter gets relegated to second place behind Christmas--at least for me.
This year I got to have some input into my church's Easter service. After seeing a little of the rehearsal and hearing some of the songs that will be sung, it struck me that the greatest gift I've ever received doesn't come to me in December. It doesn't sit wrapped under a tree, teasing me for weeks on end. You can't buy it or take it back---even if there were a receipt involved. It's the gift of a redeemed life. In the redemption process, something that has ceased being useful is rendered productive and lively again. If you knew any of the horrible decisions I've made, you would recognize that I am a walking miracle. Because of the countless times I chose to drink and drive, I should be a dead man. If you had seen what had gone on behind my closed door, maybe these words would have come to your mind: "Dead Man Walking." Back before my life was redeemed: before I found restoration. Before, I had rendered myself useless. I was in need of resurrection. Someone brought me back from my "state of suspended animation."
I sincerely hope that you take the time to celebrate Easter this weekend. You may just receive the greatest gift you'll ever get. . . a word you may have never heard . . . a word you, like me, may not be sure how to pronounce: anabiosis.
Every year I need the reminder---of just how alive I am.




Ben Wilcox

Benny Madison

Oh, back to school
Back to school
Try to prove that
I'm not a tool

As a thirty-year-old junior, transfer student, you notice some things upon re-entering the classroom. First, I am old. Not so much "creepy-old," but 'old' none the less. Second, I can't see diddly-squat. Time for the ol' Lasik. Thirdly, I still hate math of any kind. You can't fool me by calling it "Basic Statistics." There's nothing basic about it and it is math. If it involves a calculator, I suck at it. Lastly, there are some things that have changed for the better. Nobody has knocked my books out of my hand and onto the hallway floor yet. My lunch money is intact as well. This could be because the students assume I'm a teacher, a cop, or a sasquatch.
Whatever happened to recess time?




Ben Wilcox

We Don't Need No Stinkin' . . .

We sometimes wear our inclusion in certain groups as a badge: Lutheran, Catholic, Union worker, Republican, Evangelical, and heterosexual, for example (This is NOT my badge, just examples). All of these labels serve to categorize our indentity and focus our ideals. While none of these titles is necessarily bad, it's all too easy to allow them to muddy the waters of our true self-worth, esteem, and identity.
When meeting someone, one of the first questions we inevitably ask is, "What do you do?" We know that our job occupies a large amount of our time and effort. What I struggle with is: Does, or rather-Should-my job define who I am? As I've written before, who I am becoming is more important than what I am doing. I believe that God is more concerned with our character than our job title.
So, how do I label myself? What identification should I carry? My friend would call me 'religious.' Whatever that means, I'm not sure. I guess I would concede 'devout,' but otherwise, I generally identify the term 'religious' with 'mindless regularity.' Hence, you can be religious about anything: smoking, eating, filling up your car with gas, cursing, etc. Therefore, I'd rather not flash the religious badge to anyone. Rather, I hope that my identity is 'a work in progress.' 'Under construction' would be my street sign. I saw a great t-shirt the other day that read, "MEDICATED: for YOUR protection." That's fitting for me (pun intended). While I think everyone is a work in progress; some aren't really cognizant of it and do not seem to be aware of their effect on others. This does not make me a better person necessarily, but I do hope I have an above average level of self-awareness. So, what badge would you find on me if you were to conduct a 'wallet biopsy?' I have a Union Card. I have a driver's license. I hold an NIU student OneCard. I even have an ordained minister I.D. I carry an Illinois Firearm Owner IDentification (FOID), but I neither own, nor have I ever really discharged, a gun. There's a gym membership that should be cancelled for obvious reasons. None of these define me, though. You will find some things in my wallet which do characterize me: pictures. From the photos I carry, you'll discover I am a son, a grandson, a brother, a step-brother, and an Uncle--to my sister's son and to my best friend's twins. Finally, you would also find some scripture memory cards. These define me, too. They denote that I am committed to learning: learning who God wants me to be becoming. That's not a typo either. These little, business-sized cards with words that remind, scold, encourage, and challenge me don't make me religious. Hopefully, they keep me humble--humble enough to admit that my identity is really found somewhere else--somewhere intangible: in religion. "But wait!" you ask. "Didn't you just say that you avoided the religious moniker?" Yep.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

So, if you've never seen me before, I'm not hard to find. Look for the sign "Under Construction." I'll be the guy reading the inside of his wallet because I just screwed up again. It's OK to approach me. Don't worry: I am medicated, for YOUR protection.








Ben Wilcox

What would Jesus do if he weren't Jesus?

There are a lot of nice people who aren't Chrisitians. They may even be considered "good." There are a lot of so-called Christians who aren't very nice. So, what's the difference? Sometimes I believe that there really aren't that many. An awareness of God? Maybe, maybe not. Many people may believe in God, but don't claim to be religious (a term I loathe but is recognizable to many) at all. A belief that Jesus was a great man? Possibly. Historical-types may believe that Jesus lived once and would even go so far as to say he was a great teacher of a lot of great truths concerning how to treat others. I think one difference is the belief that Jesus still exists and is know-able. Yet, it's sad that people (myself included) who claim to know him often misrepresent him so often. Probably because many church people like to "spread the gospel" more than they, or recognize the need to, merely humbly offer to introduce someone to a great friend of theirs. If we really appreciate what God has done in our lives, as authentic Christians, won't it come through more effectively in our life than through a bullhorn? It's like we are trying to reruit people to "our side." Jesus didn't do that. He loved people. Everybody, equally. That's the difference. That's what I need to do. Jesus was and is God. If God is love, and I claim to know him, why do I suck at loving others? Maybe I'd be better off as one of those people who seem to be naturally nice. I wonder if everybody thought Jesus was "nice" all the time? Probably not. We normally don't torture and kill "nice" people.

Look at:
http://www.donaldmillerwords.com/pdf/thirteenparadigmshifts.pdf



Ben Wilcox

Another brick in the wall

I had lunch yesterday with my grandfather at his nursing home---I mean, Retirement Facility. He always sits at the same seat at the same table. Bob was there sitting at my right. That's where he likes to sit. He had a sandwhich. Bob always has a sandwhich: for lunch and dinner, everyday. My grandfather told me a lot of stories. He always tells stories. They are mostly ones I've heard many times. He's always told stories. We talked about the same things we normally discuss. Later, we went up to his room. He sat in his favorite recliner. I sat across from him in a rolling, desk chair. I always do that when I visit him. He's lived there for a number of years now. He's eighty-five. He's outlived a lot of people. Others there have come and gone, lived and died. Some are still there--in their same places, eating their same meals, sharing well-worn stories, and helping each other get by.
I am at work today at the hell-hole---I mean Air Traffic Center. I parked in my usual spot. I always park there. We don't have assigned parking, but I noticed that most people park in the same places anyway, everyday. There was a gray Chrysler parked to my left. It's always parked there. The tall guy will walk in right after me. He brings his luch: a frozen, frenchbread pizza. He likes them. He brings one everyday. He'll then place it in the freezer for later. Later today, I'm sure I'll see Greg. He'll say, "What's up, Wad?" (Don't ask) I'll reply, "Not much, Weas" I don't recall how we assigned ourselves those nicknames, but we like them all the same. We've used those greetings for years. Later, I'll go to the cafeteria. Today they'll serve gyros and also fish of some kind. Friday is gyro day. Every Friday. Maybe, I'll sit next to Harry. He's worked here for over twenty years. He's outlasted a lot of people. Others here have come and gone, lived and died. Some are still here--using their same parking places, eating the same meals, sharing well-worn greetings, and helping each other get by.
I found out I have a mental disorder that will require me to take a disability retirement from my job. I'm thirty years old. I've worked here for six years. Most people will work here longer than that. (Others will come and go, live and die, or stay until they are fifty-six.)
Maybe I'll move in with my grandpa. I like his stories. I'm sure his desk chair is empty and waiting. There's plenty of parking, and the food is pretty good.
I wonder what sandwhich Bob will have today?

To find out more about bipolar disorder:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/Publicat/bipolar.cfm




Ben Wilcox

My Godfather wrote me something I couldn't refuse

Poems
By D.E.M.
BEHIND THE DOOR
God save them and make them part of their home
Keep calling to those hearts 'till they're no longer alone
Let them know that you're the one that can give them a chance
With a fresh look at life that will change circumstance
Though there appears to be no worth
yet, there's somewhere on this earth
The differences we see are no longer the chasms of our mind
But, instead, if we open our hearts we no longer need that door to cry behind

JIMMY AND JENNIFER
Jimmy doesn't have much to look at for tomorrow
His daddy's been gone since the age of three
mamma's doin' her best to fill in for the sorrow
brought about by the kids whose daddy he sees
The future looks grim for my little friend Jimmy
There's no wisdom or knowledge being put in his heart
mamma's got a new boyfriend taking up her time
A babysitter all day and now one for the night
It's such a fright
Oh Jennifer, the sister of Jimmy
A beautiful face but blank stare in her eyes
She'll be the leader of few and the follower of many
For the pain in her heart there is no disguise
I've seen that look in her eyes
Suffer not the little children
Let them come unto me
Well we'd better think twice
if we're teaching them naughty or nice
Not gonna do what they hear but what they see

'Thanks to an old man with a young heart--it's becoming brand new, again.'


Revelation 21:5a (New International Version)
"He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"

ONE

http://one.org/

Adult children of divorce

Read:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/003/36.41.html an awesome article relating new research concerning what happens to children of divorce. Inlcudes interesting findings about their views on faith and the Bible.

Refuge

Angelic, shroud in love.
A mother’s concern
For an ‘adopted’ son.

Patience, kindness, and grace-
An approving glance
At a sullen face.

A quilt, bed and rest:
Priceless treasures
For a kid’s duress.

Infinite mercy
For a wayward soul;
How can it be measured?
Only in heaven will it be told.



Ben Wilcox

Quotation from Between Two Worlds

"The recognition that divorce can turn children into little adults should be enough to make our society question widespread divorce." (p.54)
Between Two Worlds by Elizabeth Marquardt

There are two things that I hate concerning the divorce issue:
1. The fact that society doesn't question the rampant rate of divorce.
2. The fact that the divorce rate for church members is the same.

Really though, there are numerous reasons that kids don't get to be kids anymore. We used to wait until high school to start pressuring kids to think about "the future." Not anymore: now we have them thinking "Ivy League" in third grade. Kids are in so many activities at once that the soccer moms have a hard time keeping up. Maybe we'll see really dedicated moms buying a second minivan and hiring a driver to make sure that after karate, little Billy gets to chess club, piano lesson, and gymnastics.
My suggestion: kids, get a Union. Organize, baby. Consult with the U.A.W. Get yourselves a little Jimmy Hoffa to represent your interests to "the Man" (Or, "the Mom"--whichever). You don't have to take it. All this work and for what? Non-Kraft macaroni? I don't think so! There should be a minimum free-play time just like the minimum wage. So, start striking. You've got crayons and paper: make some signs, and if the parents want to bring in hired kids (adopted or foster), we'll get those scabs!
If the breakdown of marriages weren't enough, now so many of the couples that stay together start to live throught their children. Let them be--let them be kids. Thet'll have plenty of time to develop an anxiety disorder later. For now, just rear them. Don't groom them for some fantasy you couldn't fulfill.
Little adults: equal work for equal pay!

Ben Wilcox

Proximity Principle

"Few are they who by faith touch him; multitudes are they who throng about him."
Augustine

"So also some who touch, touch not, when they approach the Lord not in simplicity of soul, but in doubt or in duplicity."
Bede

Mark 5:34a


Ben Wilcox

Have I done my best?

A fearful storm is raging,
And on the wave-lashed shore,
A group of watchers,
Stand listening to its roar.
Unmindful of the danger,
And heeding not the spray,
Which dashes thick about them,
They watch 'til close of day.
For yonder is a vessel,
Now struggling with the waves,
And in it many people,
Are nearing fast their graves.
But no one at their bravest
Will dare to stem the tide,
And so they stand in silence,
Youth and age side by side.
Oh! Cannot someone save them,
Each heart in anguish cries.
As the dread danger signal
Seems even to pierce the skies.
But, Hark! 'tis rapid footsteps,
Approaching from the land,
And now a youth is standing,
Upon the treacherous sand.
He looks out o'er the waters,
And sees the peril there,
And knows if he would save them,
There is no time to spare.
So while they stand in silence,
Upon the stormy beach,
One man alone is striving,
Another soul to reach.
An awful hush creeps o'er them,
And in presence now of death,
And with eager straining eyes,
They wait with baited breath.
But, Look! He's now returning,
Another at his side.
Oh God of strength, have mercy!
And do them safely guide.
And now they're nearer and nearer,
When lo, a mighty wave
Sweeps o'er them, and hides them,
Oh, will it be their graves?
Then strong men wept aloud,
And women rung their hands,
When lo, with one save still alive,
Our hero gains the sands.
A loud and joyous shout went up,
From the people standing there,
And the lips of many a woman moved,
As if in silent prayer.
Each one is busy working,
A fire must kindled be,
To dry the dripping garments,
Of those safe from the sea.
He turns his eyes to sea-ward,
The ship is sinking fast,
He sees a quivering figure
Still clinging to the mast.
More strength is given to him,
He breaks away from friends,
Give me one more, O Father,
This prayer to heaven he sends.
This prayer indeed was answered,
He once more gains the shore,
Though it was a fearful struggle,
And he was near death's door.
Though 18 souls he rescued,
That night, while others rest,
He cried in feverish anguish,
"Oh, have I done my best?"
Now friends, this Lord's day morning,
Ye children of the King,
Come, let us to our Savior
A rescued soul now bring.
And if we're half as zealous,
A precious soul to save,
As this young man that rescued,
Men from their watery graves,
Then the world will be taken,
For Christ before we rest,
And our dear Friend, even Jesus
Will say, "You did your best."

Author unknown

Ben Wilcox

You Know it's Hard Out a Here For a

Bus Driver!?! I got passed on the right by a speeding, short-bus!!! A short bus! Whew . . .
(Sometimes, I'm glad I don't have kids, dude. It's too scary.)



Ben Wilcox

New Kind of Orphan

Fatherless
And Adrift
Between two worlds
Where they live
Where they land
Will they make it?
Will they stand?
Homeless
And Alone
Between two adults
There they float
Their time spent
Who will catch them?
What tears are rent?
Voiceless
And Ignored
What shadow is cast?
What idea is scorned?
Who will speak for them?
Who mediates the forlorn?
Powerless
And meek
We provide the shelter
For the little ones
Our protection they need.
We give voice to those
Who can’t shout loud enough.
We dry the tears of
The eyes searching for love.
We pour the water of life
Into mouths parched and dry.
How can you look past them?
They are right by your side:
They are the new orphans;
Their parents divorced.
Now they are homeless:
Tossed back and forth.
You can ignore them
Or discount their pain,
But we see them,
We listen
And help wipe away the stain--
Of the sin that isn’t theirs.

By:
Ben Wilcox

Whom Have I?

Whom have I fed today?
Whose voice have I been--
So many don't have a say.

Whom have I led today?
Whose hand have I held
Who can't find their way?

From whom have I fled today?
What sight was too much
That I had to turn away?

What tears have I shed today?
Is my heart too small for those
Who don't have a place to lay?

What hate will I leave for dead today?
Whose eyes will meet mine
In a whole new loving way?

Whom have I but Thee?

by Ben Wilcox



Ben Wilcox

Postmodern Prodigals Pt. II

I wrote the following for every child of divorce regardless of whether it was your dad or mom who left. This poem is about no one in particular; I hope it captures the feelings of many children, regardless of age, who have grown up without the presence of one of their parents. No matter what age you are when your parent decides to leave, it affects you. You will carry scars. The immediate care you seek might lessen them, however. Let's not forget to help carry each other's burdens, or better yet, help each other rid ourselves of these painful loads through acceptance, forgiveness, and grace.

The Postmodern Prodigal

He just had to get out,
Couldn’t take it anymore;
He was finally gonna see
What this big world had in store.

Life so far had thrown him
Nothing but curves—
He was set to be out from under
& Get what he deserved.

Responsibility and restrictions,
Curfews no more—
Time to sow a few oats;
Life so far: a bore.

Taking only what was his
He walked out the door.
He never looked back—
Never thought all he had left was “more.”

Now years later,
His ‘more’ meant much less.
Could he ever go back?
Face to face, he must confess:

That he’d run away from life’s best;
He’d bought an empty dream.
Sometimes the grass
Isn’t as green as it seems.

“Would they have me back?”
He wondered aloud.
“My family I’ve abandoned and
I’ve been chasing a cloud.”

“I gave it all up:
Love, family, and grace;
I don’t deserve to have
My kids see my guilty face.”

“Please Lord, help me if you can
Make a way for me—
I’ve blown it:
I am the Prodigal Dad.”

Quotations

"So this is love. This is winter in whimtown. This is a bunch of people wanting to be wanted by a bunch of people who don't know what they want."
-Michael Wilson

"Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy."
- Kahlil Gibran

"It may be that what you could be haunts you. It is real. It is a weight you have to carry around. Each failure to become, to be, is a weight. Each state you could inhabit is a burden as heavy as any physical weight, but more so, because it weighs on your soul. It is the ghost of your possibilities hanging around your neck, an invisible albatross, potentials unknowingly murdered."
-Ben Okri

. . . and TWINS!!!

Some of my most favoritist people on the world are twins:

Postmodern Prodigals?

With society's rampant divorce rate, it's my belief that the current marriage paradigm (or lack thereof) is creating an entire new breed of 'widow' and 'orphan.' I've pasted the article below: a brilliant interview in which is described how children of divorce deal with faith issues differently than those from more stable, intact (if there is such a thing) families. I think the notion that people from different backgrounds (e.g. divorce) would interpret well-known Bible parables differently is extremely important when we consider how we teach and minister in Churches across America. There is a much needed resensitization among pastors and ministry leaders to understand that their intended message may be lost on someone without the appropriate, congruent, or stereotypical family background. The fact that many children of divorce focus on, and relate to, the Father character in the parable of the prodigal son is truly telling of the cultural shifts that are occurring in this country. As the Church seeks to regain its prominent place in the lives of Americans, it would do well to interpret the signals coming from the younger generation of people, many of whom are simply waiting for their prodigal dad to return.


Article
Lives of Quiet Turbulence
Elizabeth Marquardt on what happens in the souls of children of divorce.
Interview by Agnieszka Tennant, for the study, “Dealing with Divorce”
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/003/36.41.html

"From the very beginning, I wrote to explain my own life to myself, and I invited any readers who chose to make the journey with me to join me on the high wire."- Pat Conroy

The Edge of Reason

In Leadership is an Art, Max DePree writes that true leaders must “define reality” and define the values of an organization (termed as “civility”).
“Civility might be defined as an ability to distinguish between what is actually healthy and what merely appears to be living.” Have you recently wondered, given the state of affairs in our building regarding morale, working conditions, and lack of quality management (accountability), whether our workplace is ‘living’ or ‘dying’?
Maybe your difficulty in observing any signs of vitality around here is our Air Traffic Manager’s desire to lead with an “edge.” He has disregarded employee input, misrepresented his motivation behind recent working conditions and practices, and, most costly, implemented standard operating procedures which will (and have begun to) totally sap the creative energy and physical well-being of his employees. DePree states, “A leader can tell the difference between living edges and dying [edges]. To lose sight of the beauty of ideas and of hope . . . to frustrate the right to be needed, is to be at the dying edge. To be a part of a throwaway mentality that discards . . . persons and families, is to be at the dying edge.”
Our Manager views us as an expendable mean to his budget-driven end. He will gladly “throw us away” at the drop off a headset if we don’t straighten up, be error-free and exude compliance. He has repeatedly disrespected his workforce and found every available opportunity to exploit any loophole that allows him to deprive his employees of their rights—not to mention privileges. He has done his best to disrupt any sense of “team” or cohesion. “To ignore the dignity of work and the elegance of simplicity, and the essential responsibility of serving each other, is to be at the dying edge.”
Instead of new plans, procedures, and policy, please give us our right to feel respected and dignified once again. Value us, who should be your most valuable asset and highest priority. Finally, understand this,
“In a day and age when so much energy seems to be spent on maintenance and manuals, on bureaucracy and meaningless quantification, to be a leader is to enjoy the special privileges of complexity, of ambiguity, of diversity. But to be a leader means, especially, having the opportunity to make a meaningful difference in the lives of those who permit leaders to lead.”
We need less management and more leadership.

Slow up

"The truth is, as much as we complain about it, we are drawn to hurry [busyness]; it makes us feel important, it keeps the adrenaline pumping. It means we don't have to look too closely at the heart or life. It keeps us from feeling our loneliness."
-John Ortberg

"The press of busyness is like a charm. Its power swells . . . it reaches out seeking always to lay hold of ever-younger victims so that childhood or youth are scarcely allowed the quiet and the retirement in which the Eternal may unfold a divine growth."
-Kierkegaard

OK, so I'm re-blogging, but I think it's appropriate this time:

More than today (From March 2005)
All the time in the world?
“The core motivation of humanness, it is claimed, is rational calculation of how to maximize our best interests. Ironically, a ‘free market’ does not create a society as free as many think, for the constant pricing and charging of everything acts like series of customs tolls blocking the free flow of ideas and relationships. Equally ironically, we eventually cannot afford what we most desire- deep relationships. For if ‘time is money’ and people take time, then the ‘opportunity costs’ of relationships (the gain that we would earn by doing something else) will be prohibitive and intimate friendships will be few. ‘Spending’ time with friends is costly; we could invest it better elsewhere.”- Os Guinness
We certainly do live in a society that considers time a commodity. Now, think of how many ways there are to spend your time. Secondly, what value do you place on your time? Finally, think about how absurd it is to think that we can actually control the passing minutes. Terms such as ‘time management’ are really crazy. All you can do is plan better, or at the very least, decide how to prioritize your days.However, our culture tries its hardest to speed up the clock: I-pass toll lanes, one-hour photo services, Chili’s curbside delivery. All of these exist in response to our desire to do a million things at once, our fear of wasting time, and our apparent reluctance to simply get out of our cars. Look at the explosion of the drive-through window craze. They are everywhere. We have them for just about every conceivable convenience. Are you in a rush to tie the knot? Don’t worry! Just pull up to the second window, and a real-life minister will assist you shortly. (Please have correct change.)Yet, I really think the problem comes down to one of priorities. We place a huge emphasis on satisfying our needs in the quickest way possible, but we fail to realize that tomorrow may never come. We procrastinate in calling our best friends (I’ll do it this weekend), but we don’t think that the medicine which may save our lives is worth the wait (drive-thru pharmacy). So, in light of all of these seemingly misplaced values, why do we rush towards the unimportant: cheeseburgers, pictures, & Viagra, and drag our feet when it comes to communicating with the ones we love? I would suggest that all of this stems from our belief that ‘there is always tomorrow’. But, what if there isn’t? What if you knew exactly when you were checking out? What if the day and time of death for everyone were common knowledge? Would your priorities change? What friend or family member would you call that you haven’t? Also, would the checkout line at the store really be an eternity? Wouldn’t you want to make the most of your remaining time and spend it with those who mean the most to you?That’s exactly what one man did. In light of his limited time left, he gathered those closest to him and had one final night of talking, reminiscing, and crying- together. He knew his time was coming to an end, and he didn’t want to waste one minute. You see, his entire life was lived with an eye towards eternity. He set his sights down-range. He knew the number of his days, and he did all he could to ensure that his friends and followers could carry on without him. He had invested in the lives of these men, and he loved them more than they could know. On that final night, the eve of his passing, I can imagine his final sentiments:
“Guys, I’m not going to be around much longer. In fact, tonight is it. I know this all sounds crazy, but it’s true. I can’t explain everything yet, but very soon this will all make sense. Please know that everything I’ve ever said or done was in total love for you. I’m so proud of you guys. You don’t realize just how far you’ve come since we first met. Because you won’t see me for awhile, I want you to start a new tradition whenever you get together. (No, Pete, it’s not a secret handshake) I want you guys to share this special meal with each other. What you serve as the food really isn’t important. It’s what’s in your hearts that is. They’ve got to be right and pure. When coming to the table for this supper, remember to check your hearts for cleanliness, even more than your hands or feet. Once you know that your heart is in line, then eat and drink. Enjoy it, but remember me. What you will see tomorrow won’t be pleasant, but I need you to keep it in mind whenever you participate in this new tradition together. Don’t be saddened, however. It’s all for you. You’ll see. My love will never leave you. Just do one thing, guys- remember. Whatever else you do, don’t forget me. Remember everything: all of our times together, the miracles that happened, and the tragedies, too. Most of all know this: I love you with all of my heart and all that I am; I’ll never leave you, even when you don’t see. I’ll always be right there among you and beside you, even until the end of the world.”

Faithfulness

"It is far harder to live for Christ moment by moment than it is to die once for Him; and if we wait for great occasions in which to display our fidelity, we shall find that our life has slipped away, and with it the opportunities that each hour has brought of proving our love to the Lord, by being faithful in that which is least."
-J. Gregory Mantle

"It is better to be faithful than famous."
-Theodore Roosevelt

Have all of your mirrors removed!

Positively 4th Street by Bob Dylan:

You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning

You got a lotta nerve
To say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on
The side that's winning

You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it

You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You're in with

Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it

When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it

No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them

And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you

Copyright © 1965; renewed 1993 Special Rider Music

Peace

Definitions of altruism on the Web:
(al·tru·ism) (al¢troo-iz-[schwa]m) unselfish concern for the needs or interests of others, providing gratification vicariously or from their responses.
the view that the well-being of others should have as much importance for us as the well-being of ourselves. Some argue that altruism, even if it is desirable, is not possible, and that our ethics must be based on egoism.http://www.filosofia.net/materiales/rec/glosaen.htm
A form of behaviour in which an individual risks lowering its fitness for the benefit of another.helios.bto.ed.ac.uk/bto/glossary/ab.htm
from Alter, other. A quality opposed to Egoism. Actions tending to do good to others, regardless of self.http://www.theosociety.org/pasadena/key/key-glos.htm
An action or institution designed to promote human welfare.
Acting for the sake of other people's interests. There are two forms. Ethical altruism: people should act with other people's interests in mind, and learn this through experience. Psychological altruism: people are compelled to act with other people's interests in mind, because altruism is instinctive.http://www.google.com/url?sa=X&start=5&oi=define&q=http://www.reasoned.org/glossary.htm
Behavior that benefits another individual at a cost to the actor, where cost and benefit are defined in terms of reproductive success.http://www.modernhumanorigins.com/a.html
A behavior that costs the doer and benefits others. Anthropology 60 Teaching Assistants are the only true altruists known to exist.http://www.missouri.edu/~anthmark/courses/mah/glossary.htm
Acting to benefit others while disregarding one’s own welfare.highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072549238/student_view0/glossary.html
An unselfish concern for another person.http://www.sasked.gov.sk.ca/docs/social/psych30/Glossary.htm
altruism: is a term that refers to doing good deeds and service work for others out of the goodness of one's own heart.iamuniversity.org/glossary/cv_glossarylist.php
Altruistic actions are those performed for the sake of others. Altruism is the hypothesis that morality involves acting for the sake of others.http://www.abdn.ac.uk/philosophy/guide/glossary.shtml
Conferral of a benefit on other individuals at an apparent cost to the benefactor. See Chapter 20.evolution.unibe.ch/teaching/GlossarE.htm
from Morton Hunt (p. 21) "Behavior carried out to benefit anotherat some sacrifice to oneself, and without, or not primarily because of, the expectation of rewards from external sources".http://www.greeleynet.com/~cnotess/gloss.htm
the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Altruism is either a practice or habit (in the view of many, a virtue) as well as an ethical doctrine. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism