Oh, GOD---I am SO(ul) Tired

When depression breaks like a fever,
Rest settles into your bones.

Sleep comes like never before,
Only candle light is shone.

Hours pass by like the wind,
Unseen & unhurried, carefree.

Night comes and goes like the tide,
In the morning, emerging: the real me.

Answer: 17 hours, a few tears, a lot of sleep, and a refreshed soul!

Question: What does a tiny cabin and some confession get you?

Father God,

I've been so tired for so long; when will this end? Am I supposed to be learning something in all of this? Is this about my pace? I hurt, and I feel like I've been operating at 55% capacity for weeks.
Are we o.k.? I've neglected you many times in the past month or so. You've given me some great ideas and bursts of creativity, though. What are you saying?
Am I on the right track? (Pilgrim and Disciple?) Maybe your Son is moving more slowly than I would like him to; is this your way of getting me to fall in line behind him? I've seen Him show up in so many ways and in so many faces lately--mostly in the way that children look at me. What's changed? My heart? It feels softer . . . I like that; it's somewhat scary, but I have been enjoying the new ways in which I see people that I used to ignore (e.g. little kids). What are you up to?
If I can keep melting into your mold, Jesus, then I am willing to maintain this pace. My brain is working, but my body isn't. Am I doing something wrong? Is it something I'm not doing that I should be?
I know you take care of me. It's all yours anyway, God. I'm all yours. Thank you for all that you have given me to manage. I am excited about who & what you have put in my life. I love them. I think they love me. That's hard for me to accept, you know.
I love you. I trust you. Thank for this certainty. Maybe I need that more than clarity.
You're all I have and need.
Bless you.
Your son,
Ben

I'm trying to read and do some quiet time today. I finished reading Starving Jesus. I dare you to read it if you consider yourself a Christian, and if you are not a Christian, try reading it for entertainment value as the authors call the American Church out on the carpet.

My biggest take-away from the book is, "When confronted with an uncomfortable truth, how will I choose to respond?"

Please light a candle as a prayer for whatever you deem important in your life!

Light A Candle

Jesus,

I want you to be my best friend & big brother. I never had one of those growing up. Until recently, I don't think I ever took the time to think about that. I think it would have been cool to have one (apart from getting beat-up sometimes!). I am an older brother, though. I often wonder what kind of brother I truly am. I think my advice could be better and more loving. I actually am trying not to give advice unless asked first. Ha-ha. That's tough to do.
Would you be my brother? I'll take all the advice I can get. I need it desperately. I know you want to hang out. That's what I really need right now. I've been looking in all the wrong places. My TV is always there for me, but it rarely has anything good to say or show me.
Would you show me something good? Something good about me?
Maybe then I can show others what is good about themselves . . . That's what you did, right?
Please forgive me for screwing up my job as a big brother. Thank you for the opportunities you've given, and give, me to try. Might I resemble you as I try, try again.
I love you, LORD.
Benny



Ben Wilcox