. . . and TWINS!!!

Some of my most favoritist people on the world are twins:

Postmodern Prodigals?

With society's rampant divorce rate, it's my belief that the current marriage paradigm (or lack thereof) is creating an entire new breed of 'widow' and 'orphan.' I've pasted the article below: a brilliant interview in which is described how children of divorce deal with faith issues differently than those from more stable, intact (if there is such a thing) families. I think the notion that people from different backgrounds (e.g. divorce) would interpret well-known Bible parables differently is extremely important when we consider how we teach and minister in Churches across America. There is a much needed resensitization among pastors and ministry leaders to understand that their intended message may be lost on someone without the appropriate, congruent, or stereotypical family background. The fact that many children of divorce focus on, and relate to, the Father character in the parable of the prodigal son is truly telling of the cultural shifts that are occurring in this country. As the Church seeks to regain its prominent place in the lives of Americans, it would do well to interpret the signals coming from the younger generation of people, many of whom are simply waiting for their prodigal dad to return.


Article
Lives of Quiet Turbulence
Elizabeth Marquardt on what happens in the souls of children of divorce.
Interview by Agnieszka Tennant, for the study, “Dealing with Divorce”
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/003/36.41.html

"From the very beginning, I wrote to explain my own life to myself, and I invited any readers who chose to make the journey with me to join me on the high wire."- Pat Conroy

The Edge of Reason

In Leadership is an Art, Max DePree writes that true leaders must “define reality” and define the values of an organization (termed as “civility”).
“Civility might be defined as an ability to distinguish between what is actually healthy and what merely appears to be living.” Have you recently wondered, given the state of affairs in our building regarding morale, working conditions, and lack of quality management (accountability), whether our workplace is ‘living’ or ‘dying’?
Maybe your difficulty in observing any signs of vitality around here is our Air Traffic Manager’s desire to lead with an “edge.” He has disregarded employee input, misrepresented his motivation behind recent working conditions and practices, and, most costly, implemented standard operating procedures which will (and have begun to) totally sap the creative energy and physical well-being of his employees. DePree states, “A leader can tell the difference between living edges and dying [edges]. To lose sight of the beauty of ideas and of hope . . . to frustrate the right to be needed, is to be at the dying edge. To be a part of a throwaway mentality that discards . . . persons and families, is to be at the dying edge.”
Our Manager views us as an expendable mean to his budget-driven end. He will gladly “throw us away” at the drop off a headset if we don’t straighten up, be error-free and exude compliance. He has repeatedly disrespected his workforce and found every available opportunity to exploit any loophole that allows him to deprive his employees of their rights—not to mention privileges. He has done his best to disrupt any sense of “team” or cohesion. “To ignore the dignity of work and the elegance of simplicity, and the essential responsibility of serving each other, is to be at the dying edge.”
Instead of new plans, procedures, and policy, please give us our right to feel respected and dignified once again. Value us, who should be your most valuable asset and highest priority. Finally, understand this,
“In a day and age when so much energy seems to be spent on maintenance and manuals, on bureaucracy and meaningless quantification, to be a leader is to enjoy the special privileges of complexity, of ambiguity, of diversity. But to be a leader means, especially, having the opportunity to make a meaningful difference in the lives of those who permit leaders to lead.”
We need less management and more leadership.

Slow up

"The truth is, as much as we complain about it, we are drawn to hurry [busyness]; it makes us feel important, it keeps the adrenaline pumping. It means we don't have to look too closely at the heart or life. It keeps us from feeling our loneliness."
-John Ortberg

"The press of busyness is like a charm. Its power swells . . . it reaches out seeking always to lay hold of ever-younger victims so that childhood or youth are scarcely allowed the quiet and the retirement in which the Eternal may unfold a divine growth."
-Kierkegaard

OK, so I'm re-blogging, but I think it's appropriate this time:

More than today (From March 2005)
All the time in the world?
“The core motivation of humanness, it is claimed, is rational calculation of how to maximize our best interests. Ironically, a ‘free market’ does not create a society as free as many think, for the constant pricing and charging of everything acts like series of customs tolls blocking the free flow of ideas and relationships. Equally ironically, we eventually cannot afford what we most desire- deep relationships. For if ‘time is money’ and people take time, then the ‘opportunity costs’ of relationships (the gain that we would earn by doing something else) will be prohibitive and intimate friendships will be few. ‘Spending’ time with friends is costly; we could invest it better elsewhere.”- Os Guinness
We certainly do live in a society that considers time a commodity. Now, think of how many ways there are to spend your time. Secondly, what value do you place on your time? Finally, think about how absurd it is to think that we can actually control the passing minutes. Terms such as ‘time management’ are really crazy. All you can do is plan better, or at the very least, decide how to prioritize your days.However, our culture tries its hardest to speed up the clock: I-pass toll lanes, one-hour photo services, Chili’s curbside delivery. All of these exist in response to our desire to do a million things at once, our fear of wasting time, and our apparent reluctance to simply get out of our cars. Look at the explosion of the drive-through window craze. They are everywhere. We have them for just about every conceivable convenience. Are you in a rush to tie the knot? Don’t worry! Just pull up to the second window, and a real-life minister will assist you shortly. (Please have correct change.)Yet, I really think the problem comes down to one of priorities. We place a huge emphasis on satisfying our needs in the quickest way possible, but we fail to realize that tomorrow may never come. We procrastinate in calling our best friends (I’ll do it this weekend), but we don’t think that the medicine which may save our lives is worth the wait (drive-thru pharmacy). So, in light of all of these seemingly misplaced values, why do we rush towards the unimportant: cheeseburgers, pictures, & Viagra, and drag our feet when it comes to communicating with the ones we love? I would suggest that all of this stems from our belief that ‘there is always tomorrow’. But, what if there isn’t? What if you knew exactly when you were checking out? What if the day and time of death for everyone were common knowledge? Would your priorities change? What friend or family member would you call that you haven’t? Also, would the checkout line at the store really be an eternity? Wouldn’t you want to make the most of your remaining time and spend it with those who mean the most to you?That’s exactly what one man did. In light of his limited time left, he gathered those closest to him and had one final night of talking, reminiscing, and crying- together. He knew his time was coming to an end, and he didn’t want to waste one minute. You see, his entire life was lived with an eye towards eternity. He set his sights down-range. He knew the number of his days, and he did all he could to ensure that his friends and followers could carry on without him. He had invested in the lives of these men, and he loved them more than they could know. On that final night, the eve of his passing, I can imagine his final sentiments:
“Guys, I’m not going to be around much longer. In fact, tonight is it. I know this all sounds crazy, but it’s true. I can’t explain everything yet, but very soon this will all make sense. Please know that everything I’ve ever said or done was in total love for you. I’m so proud of you guys. You don’t realize just how far you’ve come since we first met. Because you won’t see me for awhile, I want you to start a new tradition whenever you get together. (No, Pete, it’s not a secret handshake) I want you guys to share this special meal with each other. What you serve as the food really isn’t important. It’s what’s in your hearts that is. They’ve got to be right and pure. When coming to the table for this supper, remember to check your hearts for cleanliness, even more than your hands or feet. Once you know that your heart is in line, then eat and drink. Enjoy it, but remember me. What you will see tomorrow won’t be pleasant, but I need you to keep it in mind whenever you participate in this new tradition together. Don’t be saddened, however. It’s all for you. You’ll see. My love will never leave you. Just do one thing, guys- remember. Whatever else you do, don’t forget me. Remember everything: all of our times together, the miracles that happened, and the tragedies, too. Most of all know this: I love you with all of my heart and all that I am; I’ll never leave you, even when you don’t see. I’ll always be right there among you and beside you, even until the end of the world.”

Faithfulness

"It is far harder to live for Christ moment by moment than it is to die once for Him; and if we wait for great occasions in which to display our fidelity, we shall find that our life has slipped away, and with it the opportunities that each hour has brought of proving our love to the Lord, by being faithful in that which is least."
-J. Gregory Mantle

"It is better to be faithful than famous."
-Theodore Roosevelt

Have all of your mirrors removed!

Positively 4th Street by Bob Dylan:

You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning

You got a lotta nerve
To say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on
The side that's winning

You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it

You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it

I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You're in with

Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it

When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it

No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them

And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem

I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you

Copyright © 1965; renewed 1993 Special Rider Music

Peace

Definitions of altruism on the Web:
(al·tru·ism) (al¢troo-iz-[schwa]m) unselfish concern for the needs or interests of others, providing gratification vicariously or from their responses.
the view that the well-being of others should have as much importance for us as the well-being of ourselves. Some argue that altruism, even if it is desirable, is not possible, and that our ethics must be based on egoism.http://www.filosofia.net/materiales/rec/glosaen.htm
A form of behaviour in which an individual risks lowering its fitness for the benefit of another.helios.bto.ed.ac.uk/bto/glossary/ab.htm
from Alter, other. A quality opposed to Egoism. Actions tending to do good to others, regardless of self.http://www.theosociety.org/pasadena/key/key-glos.htm
An action or institution designed to promote human welfare.
Acting for the sake of other people's interests. There are two forms. Ethical altruism: people should act with other people's interests in mind, and learn this through experience. Psychological altruism: people are compelled to act with other people's interests in mind, because altruism is instinctive.http://www.google.com/url?sa=X&start=5&oi=define&q=http://www.reasoned.org/glossary.htm
Behavior that benefits another individual at a cost to the actor, where cost and benefit are defined in terms of reproductive success.http://www.modernhumanorigins.com/a.html
A behavior that costs the doer and benefits others. Anthropology 60 Teaching Assistants are the only true altruists known to exist.http://www.missouri.edu/~anthmark/courses/mah/glossary.htm
Acting to benefit others while disregarding one’s own welfare.highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072549238/student_view0/glossary.html
An unselfish concern for another person.http://www.sasked.gov.sk.ca/docs/social/psych30/Glossary.htm
altruism: is a term that refers to doing good deeds and service work for others out of the goodness of one's own heart.iamuniversity.org/glossary/cv_glossarylist.php
Altruistic actions are those performed for the sake of others. Altruism is the hypothesis that morality involves acting for the sake of others.http://www.abdn.ac.uk/philosophy/guide/glossary.shtml
Conferral of a benefit on other individuals at an apparent cost to the benefactor. See Chapter 20.evolution.unibe.ch/teaching/GlossarE.htm
from Morton Hunt (p. 21) "Behavior carried out to benefit anotherat some sacrifice to oneself, and without, or not primarily because of, the expectation of rewards from external sources".http://www.greeleynet.com/~cnotess/gloss.htm
the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Altruism is either a practice or habit (in the view of many, a virtue) as well as an ethical doctrine. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism

Much will be required . . .

I've been reminded lately to "honor" my parents. What does honor mean to you? Here are some useful articles:

http://www.actsweb.org/articles/article.php?i=971&d=2&c=11
(Here's a great excerpt:"I agree in that one of the best ways we can honor even bad parents is by being grateful for whatever good we received from them (the gift of life for example), by not allowing our past and what they did or failed to do to or for us to control our future, and by living such a life that it will both honor them and God. With God's help this we can do this."
Suggested prayer: 'Dear God, I thank you for the gift of life that came through my parents and for all the good qualities I inherited from them. Help me to see all these qualities, resolve all past hurts caused by them, and forgive them as you have forgiven me for my sins and failures. And help me to so live that my life will honor both them and you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen.'"
It's tough to let go of the past hurts inflicted by parents. I think living a God-honoring life should automatically honor any caring parent. I do not think honoring your parent(s) means allowing them to intentionally hurt you repeatedly.

http://www.ssnet.org/qrtrly/eng/04c/less02.html
Excerpt: "The obedience the Bible demands is not blind obedience, and respect for parental wishes cannot simply be enforced but must, to a significant degree, be earned. Parents may make demands, but these must be reasonable, consistent, and always with the best interest of the child and, most important, not contrary to other biblical principles." (notice: 'the best interest of the child')

http://www.gotquestions.org/honor-abusive-parent.html
Excerpt: The best yet---"God requires that we go to Him for help to forgive so that (a) these parents will be released from our judgment and He is then free to go to work on them as well as us, and (b) so that our own souls and spirits will not become gradually poisoned and twisted by the root of bitterness that unforgiveness produces, which will sink itself deeper and deeper into our hearts and minds as time goes on.

I have often heard quite incredible testimonies from those who suffered unbelievable cruelty and lack of love at their parents' hands, and yet having learned to depend utterly on the mercy and strength of Almighty God, they have gradually found healing for their hearts and spirits and forgiveness and a loving attitude towards their parents. In releasing their parents to God in this way these parents also began to change and the glorious ending to the story was a loving family happily united together under God. If you have ever suffered in this way as a child, then I pray that this may also be the ending to your story. Ephesians 6:2-3 tells us, "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Lastly, RESPECT: "Respect is the objective, unbiased consideration and regard for the rights, values, beliefs and property of all people. Kant's categorical imperative as well as what is commonly understood of being a gentleman incorporate the concept of respect." en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respect

Here's praying and hoping I can let go and release what I've been carrying for 14 years. Please help me God my Father. I need help. I'm tired of the hurt. I can't change anyone else, but you can. This is one thing I can't fix. Help me unclench my fist. Teach me to forgive.
Have your way with me. Amen . . .

NOOMA

There are some cool short-videos available at nooma.com. Here's a link, I think, for my latest favorite:
http://www.nooma.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?ProductID=282&Mode=WMV&PMID=130

Trying

I'm so glad I have this blog--not to post things that I've mastered or hills I've taken, but to remind myself how far I have to go. If I were to only post ideas or concepts--ways of behaving and interpersonal skills, methods of relating to God--that I had completely conquered, I have nothing to write. Yet here is a free means of constantly checking my progress, I hope I'm progressing, on things that are so costly. I am a work in progress, and I hope my writings challenge others, too.
All I can do is try, try again and hope others understand (and be proud of) what it is I'm trying to do and be . . . Because I will screw up.
Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive. C.S. Lewis