No longer wanting to play 'pretend I'm fine' anymore about my mental health, I came clean to most of my immediate family on Christmas Eve. That was probably not a great timing move on my part, but I knew that if I didn't do it then, I would be ruining any chance of enjoying Christmas Day. I feel somewhat relieved that they understand a little bit better now that I'm not just 'weird' or 'moody.' (Although, I think sometimes I really am just weird/moody.)
Some days are good; others are not so good. I've learned a lot, though, through all of this mess. I like the following quotation: I think it sums up the positive side of my faulty wiring---


"A sacred illness is one that educates us and alters us from the inside out, provides experiences and therefore knowledge that we could not possibly achieve in any other way." by Deena Metzger

I guess I'm grateful in the sense that, without this very humbling experience, I might be an even bigger a*#hole!!!

Benny

So, although my email address would suggest that I'm a softy, I haven't felt that peaceful about some things. I have just a tad bit of restlessness inside. Whether that's good or bad, I'm not sure. I've had some scary panic attacks lately. I feel out-of-control during those, but I know I can survive these episodes. Sometimes I worry what I'll do when I am freaking out because it generally happens out in public and far from home. Being home seems to lessen the anxiety. Some of the time, I'm a gentle bear; sometimes: not so much. But, I am always alvailable for a big, bear hug, though!
Please feed this bear!!! (Hint: he likes pizza)