1. Procure one (1) pair of black (uncertain whether BLACK is necessary, but can attest only to this color--actually, BLACK is not a true color at all. Thanks go to Beth E. Racine, of Elgin, for recently correcting me on this gi-normous point of fact. Way to go, Beth! Watch out, Jeopardy! ! [Note: for whatever reason, the creator(s) of the show Jeopardy! chose to spell it with an exclamation point (Or, exclamation 'mark'---depending on where you were educated) Bonus question: Are titles of TV shows italicized or set in quotation marks? Or, put in appropriate context, Answer: What are quotation marks? Question: These are put around the titles of TV shows when unsure as to the correct punctuation.] shower shoes. (AKA "Flip flops." Note: use caution when referring to shower shoes as "flip flops." Apparently, this is either a cultural or regional term. I was recently given a weird look and weirder remark by a Latina (Hipanic?) girl of approximately eight years of age when I used "flip flops" [the term not the items] in her presence. She left me feeling old, whiter-than-white, and uninformed as to the more hip, or--Hispanic, term for rubberized, thonged [hint: also use caution when using the word "thongs." Some may misinterpret this as the female undergarment. E.g. my grandfather still refers to waterproofed slip-over, foul-weather booties as "rubbers." Sounds harmless until he is staying at your house and yells, "Honey, where did you put my rubbers?" to your grandmother while they are vacationing from Florida, and your friends are over to play.] footwear.)
2. Thoroughly marinate said footwear while showering for approximately 11.5 minutes. (NOTE: Assuming you use hot water {temperature relative to skin sensitivity, etc.} & have access to shower. I.e. Not staying at an RV park that requires you to obtain a key to shower stall from owner between the hours of 8am and 9pm [Mountain Time Zone]. Apparently, one bad apple does indeed ruin the bunch as the reason given for locked shower stalls was the unclaimed diarrhea sprayed bathroom incident following one hour (at least!) of cleaning done by two women employed by said RV park. [unsure of the relation of two women; however, I am assuming some measure of familiarity due to close quarters within said bathroom stall. I have cleaned several bathrooms, and I would not enter a cleaning partnership in such tight space without a degree of relation suitable to the situation. E.g. kin, carnal knowledge, Biblical knowledge, or exorbitantly high hourly rate of wage.] Footwear may be worn on feet or left on floor to soak while showering. {This would, of course, diminish the effectiveness of shower shoe defense against floor-borne bacteria, fungus, or communicable disease}
3. Pat dry.
4. Position shower shoes (or, shoe if cooking for yourself.) in direct sunlight.
5. Let bake for approximately two hours. (NOTE: use caution as over-baking may cause bubbles to arise in sole. Unsure as to permanence of over-bake bubbles. {Check this site at a later date for more information as to whether bubbles diminish or not. So far, assume permanence.}
6. Enjoy!
***Important: if showering in RV park which requires use of key to utilize facilities, do not forget to return aforementioned key to owner. (Unsure of penalty for failing to return the key to owner. Assume the worst, though, as owner is still frothy-mad at aforementioned diarrhea-sprayed bathroom incident.)
