I am so heavy-hearted with my place at Willow Creek. I can barely sit through services there. I perceive so little difference between what is supposed to be a deeper level, "believer's" service on Wednesday nights and the weekend services which have historically been 'seeker sensitive.' Now that Scripture is read, songs are particpatory, and Bibles are opened on Sunday mornings, shouldn't there be a corresponding shift occurring on the Midweek format? In other words, if the weekends are responding to felt differences in the openness of people to more traditional means of worship and study, then musn't there be strides to enhance the experience of God on Wednesdays? Shouldn't there be some corresponding reaction? How can one change and the other remain static? I have the hardest time connecting with Christ during the hour or so allotted during either day of the week. I'm listless, bored, and tired of being offered merely more good advice in the form of yet another, multi-point, too-polished, impersonal, scripted, sermon that mostly just lets me know what someone I respect thinks about the Scriptures or some aspect of faith. I know that I'm at Willow for a reason. I am scared that that reason is to help transition us from mega to meta.
We have a growing Latino congregation that we relegate to the chapel for their services. My wife had a great idea: let's give them the new, fancy auditorium. Let's serve them instead of making them sit at the back of the bus. We've accommodated them poorly in my opinion.
I cannot put into words the torn feelings I have about where I am. I serve wholeheartedly because of my strong convictions about the mission of the Church. I love the relationships God has blessed me with through the on-campus activities of which I am a part. However, I feel like that is where the connectivity ends for me. The services are super-programed. The messages are just that: messages. There is little story, little space, and little prayer. I think we do a good job with the "Apostle's teaching" part of Acts 2:42 "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
I think that bringing in Frazee will help with the "fellowship" and "the breaking of bread" activities. Maybe that's part of it: all the activities. I'm missing the focus on prayer--in my daily life and on campus. So often, this may be due to my consideration of prayer as an activity when really it involves the opposite, doesn't it? Inactivity: how do we create that? "A house of prayer."
[Isa. 56:7; Matt. 21:13] Are we calling for it? Are we setting aside enough service time and space for this most-important, vital avenue to the Throne? Are we bold enough to be quiet enough? Why can't there be corporate silence? Corporate fasting? Where's the challenges that made me stick around four years ago?
There's a lot being written about the reclamation of the missional church and the Starbuck's model of creating experiences and the many reasons why young people find themselves disillusioned with institutionalized "church."
"An Hour on Sunday," unfortunately, has inhaled too many resources and failed to be the place where people genuinely encounter the presence of God, exhaling pretense, or express questions and doubts. It's the convincing hour, the presentation hour, the show. It's a great show, but show me Jesus. I'm glad that I get to see him on Mondays helping & loving kids. I am sad that I have trouble spotting him in the auditorium on Sundays and Wednesdays. Maybe there are too many people in the way--too many people out in front, drowning out his voice with microphones and his image with spotlights. The disciples tried to prevent the little ones from approaching the Savior. No time, they said. Too busy. The show must go on. Jesus disagreed--big time. Have we hindered folks from approaching the Son of God? Is there too much interference? Shouldn't a church service be the one place where there isn't? The curtain was torn, remember? Have we sewn it back together? Tear up the script and tear at my heart. Real is always relevant, as one wise man wrote recently.
Maybe fewer multi-sites and more Jesus sightings? What place have we given him in all our grand plans, models, and programming? Is there any room for him in there? I seem to recall he's been through this "There's no room" deal before . . .
I hope it isn't happening again.
I am going to stick around to find out.

Feverish

I'm just now feeling a little bit better after a butt-kicker of a severe cold/flu. I slept forever yesterday and loaded up on Thera-flu tea. I still went to Oasis at Willow tonight. I think my illness actually forced me to take on a better pace tonight. I had a great time, connected with the kids I needed to, and allowed a couple elements proceed without me. It all worked out. Maybe I should get sick more often?

Wow. What is going on?

So, I've filled in as a substitute small group leader for middle school guys twice in the past month. You know, it's not as scary as I thought it might be. I like that they are accepting of me, and I try to let them know that it's really THEIR group: I'm just a visitor. It's an honor to be able to do this, and I've had a lot of fun both times. I hope I get more chances to sit in with these students. They are awesome, and they help to confirm my belief that there is no such thing as a "bad kid." They are all good kids--until some adult(s) screws them up.
Anyway, thanks, God, for letting me into their world a little bit. I don't know what you are doing in my life, but it's cool. A little frightening--but mostly cool.
Keep me humble, OK?
Love, Benny