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I seem to be picking fights with those I love/respect the most. "What they hey!?!" (As my hopefully-still-my-friend-after-last-night friend would say). I think I do this to test whether or not these people whom I treasure have unconditional love for me. I think I am trying to see whether or not they will still love me even when I am a dickhead. I don't like this behavior of mine. I want it to cease immediately---if not sooner.

BW

Jesus,

I want you to be my best friend & big brother. I never had one of those growing up. Until recently, I don't think I ever took the time to think about that. I think it would have been cool to have one (apart from getting beat-up sometimes!). I am an older brother, though. I often wonder what kind of brother I truly am. I think my advice could be better and more loving. I actually am trying not to give advice unless asked first. Ha-ha. That's tough to do.
Would you be my brother? I'll take all the advice I can get. I need it desperately. I know you want to hang out. That's what I really need right now. I've been looking in all the wrong places. My TV is always there for me, but it rarely has anything good to say or show me.
Would you show me something good? Something good about me?
Maybe then I can show others what is good about themselves . . . That's what you did, right?
Please forgive me for screwing up my job as a big brother. Thank you for the opportunities you've given, and give, me to try. Might I resemble you as I try, try again.
I love you, LORD.
Benny



Ben Wilcox