Friday, March 28, 2008

Overview for Book Proposal

Each year more than one million children experience their parents’ divorce. Why is the timing for this book perfect right now? Just like Rick Warren’s national best-selling Purpose Driven Life answered adults’ questions about the meaning of life, It’s Not Fair will infuse teenagers with a sense of purpose despite desperate circumstances. Counselors and therapists who work with teens asked them, “What do you see as the major stresses/problems facing today's teenagers?” 72% of the respondents listed, ‘Problems arising from parental divorce.’ In addition to the normal challenge of adolescence, divorce activates a vast array of difficulties that, without the proper guidance, can lead to damaging results—both now and later in life. “Children of divorced parents are . . . twice as likely as others to have poor relationships with their parents, drop out of high school and receive psychological help.” The book will show teens where to go for help, how to regain control over their lives, what the facts are concerning the tough issues they face and how to deal with them successfully.
Furthermore, teenagers with divorced parents are more likely to feel that no one really understands them. The authors—Linda Jacobs, a divorced, single mom who now runs a national divorce care program for kids and Ben Wilcox, an adult child of divorce with years of experience working with teenagers from divorce situations—will connect with readers on every level by including real stories from teens who went through their parents’ divorce and adult children of divorce who prove that success in life is possible. Through fresh encounters with key Bible characters, relevant applications, and Scriptural references for life skills, the teenaged child of divorce will be doing something that will give new verve to their spirit, mind, body, and soul. In the United States alone, there are approximately 20 million teenagers living with just one parent. By reading It’s Not Fair, they have the chance to discover the power found in only Jesus and the critical opportunity to not only survive their parents’ divorce but also thrive in the midst of it.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Sell, sell, sell

Non-fiction writing means that you sell a proposal THEN write the majority of your book. Didn't know that. It's hard to be salesy about yourself and your ideas, too, but I think, out of necessity, I am getting over that.

I have learned so much over the past few weeks about the book writing process.

Agents have responded, and I am crapping my pants a little.

Sell, sell, sell

God is good, and I am loved. Let's hope people love our book!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hey Pard!

P.C.R.

Along side the big San Juans,
Up passed Lemon Lake, rests a sanctuary of land.
One winding road is the path you must take.

It’s heavily guarded by aspen, fir, and pine;
Yet you’re surely welcome,
Any ol’ time is fine.

You might spot grouse, elk, or a deer.
Watch for hummingbirds
As they’re wont to zip past your ear.

Take in the vast sights & breathe deeply of the air.
Forget your troubles & worries for a spell;
Have a seat, pull up a chair.

This spread will feel like home
Shortly after you arrive
Relax and eat—no stress—no strain—no strive.

I thank the Lord for this piece of paradise
It’s cool outdoors,
But inside your spirits surely rise.

For the owners are good folk:
Generous and kind.
Help yourself! They don’t seem to mind.

If you’re worn and weary—
If it’s shelter that you seek—
If you can stay a weekend, day or a week-
Look ‘er up near Durango—
This ranch is Phantom Creek.

The Humble Horseman

An arrogant man always will fall--
No matter his strength or experience at all.

There is a truth to be found if you know where to look:
For some it comes by parents or friends or a book.

To each man, his own path is marked
With success, failure, and dreams never sparked.

But the heart-hope rises again and again
That a man’s life-work will not be in vain.

Remember, there’s a Creator that’s given you sight.
All this beauty is a gift, not a right--

What will you do with the days that remain?
Will you toil ever onward tho’ the sun seems to fade?

There’s time left still to fight on ‘til the end
Win or lose, some break and some bend.

A prize awaits those that really believed
That all is not earned: that true life must be received.

The proud cowboy thinks he knows it all--
But there’s truth you can find if you’re willing to fall.

The humble horseman has gained what can never be lost
It won’t fade or dull or be taken by frost.

The gift of life eternal is found just above
The last mountain ridge of life; it’s God’s precious love.

I hope that you feel it when life has you down
Our Creator & Redeemer, the best guide in town.

Here’s a secret that I’ve learned in my brief travels through:
If you draw close to God, He’ll draw close to you.
(James 4:8)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Killer Curiosity

“Someday, your curiosity will be the death of you, Alan.”
How many times had he heard this before? No matter that he did, someone was always trying to rein him in. Well, no more. Alan was going to do it his way.
Growing up, Alan Bryce Woodson never thought his least favorite activity would get him anywhere—certainly not wealthy beyond belief. Sure, one little short story when he was twelve was cute enough, but he had had to do that: it was part of his final grade in English class. Now, twenty-one years and millions of dollars later, Alan was set to finally be out from under it all: the deadlines, the impossible editors, and the ‘book signing smiles’ he wore for so long it made his face hurt. No one could have imagined what he had been planning since his first novel made the New York Times bestseller list. In some ways, they were right about his curiosity: it was going to get him killed but not in some random, luckless fashion. No, Alan was going to take back control of his life the only way he knew how: by ending it.
At just twelve years of age, his first story was published, awarded first prize in every contest imaginable, and the rights sold to a major motion picture studio. From the outside, things seemed perfect. The young man enjoyed the trappings of his early success, but, quickly, things turned sour for him. Adolescent Alan craved privacy, and if there was one thing overnight celebrity did not afford you—it was time alone. His parents, thinking they were providing Alan a “well-rounded life,” began acting as his management team. They sent him to writer’s camps in the summer and, in the fall, a super-exclusive creative arts school for the gifted. He did the best he could to keep up appearances: smile and nod, smile and nod, etc. From these summer camps, Alan gained something that came to play a major role in a most personal story he was secretly crafting: a love of the woods.
His love for everything outdoors was further cultivated by his grandparent’s retirement house. This was neither the nursing nor the assisted living variety of your average old folk’s home. No, the Ray and Pat Connington place was one of a kind. Located in the mountains of Colorado, their log, ranch style retreat was accessible only by one-lane gravel path. Just up the road from an enormous reservoir lake, it was remote but replete with tantalizing opportunities for adventure around every bend. Phantom Creek Ranch, as Ray had named it, held Alan spellbound from the first moment he saw it.
Shortly after his fourteenth birthday, Alan convinced his parents to allow him to fly unaccompanied to spend part of his summers there. Of course, even this many miles away from his Pennsylvania home, the arrangement was not without strings attached. Alan’s mother and father, ever so concerned with his “gift” and development as a writer, made him promise to write at least three short stories by the end of every stay at Phantom Creek. As was his wont, young Alan never missed a deadline. In fact he could have turned them in early—he wrote every single story months before he stepped on the plane. Maybe his resentment towards his parents caused Alan to resort to deception. Whether this was the first time Alan engaged in trickery or not, he could not remember. Regardless, it was certainly not the last time that he responded to imposed obligation with deceit. No, like everything else he felt forced to do, Alan simply mastered it.
Alan would master many things during his summers in the woods. Far removed from the hubbub of city life—fishing, hunting, camping, and rock climbing all became second nature to him. Grandpa Ray taught the inquisitive teen all he knew about surviving in the mountains, and he showed Alan hard-to-reach places located high on the ridges of the surrounding peaks. As the years went by, Alan began to explore this mountainous playground on his own. Asked years later what Alan might have been doing up there by himself for hours on end, both Granddad and Grandma Connington replied, “My! We have no idea! He was such a quiet boy—kind of mysterious really. Alan was always coming up with these outlandish tales he would recite for us at the dinner table. What a tragedy; he’ll be missed dearly.”
“So what exactly are you telling us, De-TECT-ive?” demanded Mr. Woodson.
There they were, the three of them, at the edge of the cliff overlooking the Animas River. Barely visible above two feet of snow on the ground was the top of a climber’s spike. From it dangled the frayed end of a rope.
“I am trying to explain to you folks that all we found back at the campsite was a bedroll, some food, water, and a writer’s journal. That’s it. Now, I am sorry for your loss, but it appears that he is just . . . gone.” Detective First Grade Tom Schneider, Colorado State Police (Missing Persons Unit), was trying his best to present the facts—what little there were. “Look, I am truly sorry for your loss, but we have done all we can here. We just wrapped up the biggest manhunt in this state since D.B. Cooper. We dedicated more men, machines, and money to this thing than ever before. We know your son was famous and . . .”
“Famous has nothing to do with it!” Mr. Woodson spat back. “We need our son, and YOU couldn’t find him! Now what are we supposed to do, Detective?”
“Sir, Ma’am, believe me. If anything turns up, we will re-open this investigation and be all over every clue. But, for now, why don’t you go home? We’ve all been out here—in the mountains—in the bitter cold and snow, for weeks now. He just isn’t here. I am sorry to say, but he is gone. Mr. and Mrs. Woodson, as far as the Colorado State Police is concerned, Alan Bryce Woodson is dead.”
After several months, life went back to normal—as much as it could for the Woodsons and Alan’s grandparents: the Conningtons. Ray and Pat sat on their back patio enjoying another extraordinary afternoon at Phantom Creek. The sun soaking the mountains, the wind dancing through the chimes, hummingbirds dive-bombing the feeders hung lazily from the edge of the roof, and Cody, their barn cat, chasing one of a hundred little chipmunks that often darted through the grass in the eleven acres of land on which the house sat.
“Cody, be careful!” Grandma Connington chided the cat as it nearly fell off the top of the fence from where it was preparing to launch itself. “Sometimes I think that cat has a death-wish the way she’s always looking for trouble,” Grandma said to no one in particular.
“I know what you mean, Pat; reminds me of a young man I once knew: always into some new and dangerous adventure. Like they say, ‘Curiosity killed the cat,’” Granddad added. This last comment silenced both of them.
“Yeah, but, you know what I say, Granddad?” Alan interjected. Of course, no one knew him by that name now. He was Robert Noble: eccentric hunting guide and mountain recluse, an identity he had written into existence, complete with bank accounts (financial records show the deposits made every summer for the past ten years) and multiple forms of identification. “Sometimes curiosity does kill the cat, but that doesn’t mean it has to die.” The three laughed and returned their collective gaze to the splendor of the mountains surrounding them. These mountains not only buried the past but also held the promise of a new beginning. They were all curious what the future would hold.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

my new hang-out










1. New hunting rifle won in a raffle: check.

2. Actually using a 4 wheel drive vehicle for its intended purpose: check.

3. Gasping for air at a ridiculous altitude: check.

4. Cool new coffee/wifi spot: check.

Durango Joe's coffee (the one by Wal-Mart).

5. Overwhelmed by my surroundings: check.

6. Amazed by my Creator: check.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I am moving----again.
I have moved a lot in my life. My time in the Navy taught me to carry only the essentials because there was not room for more.
If you look in my Ford Explorer, you'll see the residual effects of that training. Apart from my library and motorcycle, which are in storage, all of my 'must haves' are inside the vehicle. I have the "Florida Retiree Clothes Bar" from which my clothes are hanging. I have my box of DVDs, another box of vitamins and supplements, and a few other bags of this and that. My computer and some other file folders are riding shotgun.

I do not need much. I have purposely tried to whittle down my possessions over the last few years. I have donated and thrown away.

I feel lighter and lighter the closer I get to the mountains. The mountains--where I hope "to lose the madness" (Col. Ludlow, Legends of the Fall).

The drive out to Durango started to get emotional today as I approached Albuquerque (where I am writing this now). The mountains began to rise, the sun slowly sank, and my iPod played a country song.

"Carrying Your Love With Me" by George Strait



Cause I'm carrying your love with me
West Virginia down to Tennessee
I'll be movin' with the good Lord's speed
Carrying your love with me
It's my strength for holding on
Every minute that I have to be gone
I'll have everything I'll ever need
I'm carrying your love with me

On a lonely highway stuck out in the rain
Darlin' all I have to do, is speak your name
The clouds roll back and the waters part
The sun starts shinin' in my heart for you
You're right there in everything I do...

Carrying your love with me
It's my strength for holding on
Every minute that I have to be gone
I'll have everything I'll ever need
I'm carrying your love with me

It's my strength for holding on
Every minute that I have to be gone
I'll have everything I'll ever need
I'm carrying your love with me"


LORD, you are everything I'll ever need.
When I speak your name, the madness leaves.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Asking Better Questions

Ministering to teenaged children of divorce, Part I

By Benjamin Wilcox

"Whatever.”

“Nothing.”

“Fine.”


These are the dreaded one-word responses I had been getting from the students in Oasis:
our church’s divorce recovery group for teenagers. It is my own fault really. Ask
anything that can be answered with one word, and the average teen will give you one
word in response.
I have heard similar frustration echoed from so many volunteer leaders wondering how to
engage Middle School and High School kids in meaningful conversation. Part of the
answer is in the question itself. Ask something that cannot be answered in just one word.
Questions like,
“If you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?”
“What was the best part of your week, and what was the worst part of your week?”
“If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be and who would you want there
with you?”

Secondly, when talking with teens, suspend your judgments as long as possible. Nothing
will ruin your chances of connecting with a young adult faster than rushing to a
conclusion about what they are saying and then offering advice right away. Keep quiet.
Actively listen. Ask for clarification, and then maybe ask a follow-up question. When you
start to think you know what they are getting at, ask another question!

Third, here is a sample of the common questions we tend to ask when thinking about
ministering to teens followed by a list of alternative things to consider.

“How do we keep these kids entertained?” vs. “What am I willing to do to ensure that the teens who come feel truly understood and valued as individuals?”
“How do we make sure we make it through all the curriculum each night?” vs. “Does the curriculum we use encourage the
kind of risky, open-ended questions that lead to honest revelation, or is there only one right answer to what we ask (just like a
classroom)?”
“How do we make sure our teens keep coming back and invite their friends, too?” vs. “Is the environment in which we hold our
meetings inviting, welcoming, and emotionally & physically safe?"
“How do I make these teenagers like me?” vs. “Will I trust the Holy Spirit enough to be myself and let these student know that I
take them seriously, withhold my judgments, and appreciate their reality?”

When you begin to focus on asking better questions, first of yourself, then of your
ministry approach, and finally, of your students—all the natural worries in the left-hand
column take care of themselves. Why? Because you have put you energy into creating a
safe place for hurting teenagers to let their guard down. You will become, quite possibly,
the only adult in their life who is willing to sit down with them, actively listen to them,
and “be” with them for as long as it takes for them to know that you care enough to ask
better questions—questions that convey your compassion not your condemnation & your
openness not your opinion. Another question is always better than another piece of
advice.
The only one-word answer you want from a teenager is when you ask them what part of
the week they most look forward to. I hope they say it’s the couple of hours when you
invite students recovering from divorce into a safe place they can call their own. If not,
maybe it is time to ask better questions.


© 2007 by the Author
Email him at Ben@MinistryMakeovers.com