Good Grief!!!

How many times have I searched for just the right thing to say to someone who is really going through a hard time because of personal loss? All I can generally muster is a hardy, "I'm so sorry." Or, "How are you doing?" Well, they just lost someone through either divorce or death; so, take a wild guess as to how they are doing. Uh, 'poorly' would probably be a good start, right? When visiting with those in mourning, why do we feel the need to say something? A warm hand to hold, a gentle, sideways hug, or the offering of true compassion that is conveyed through a sincere look on the face--all of these silent expressions of love do more than any 'worthy-of-a-Hallmark-card' word or phrase could possible hope to accomplish. If you really want to assist someone with their pain, you must merely offer your presence. Your 'being there' is needed more than any boquet or card. Please don't insist that the person contact you first. Go. Initiate and respond. If sent away, don't remain gone for long. Don't pester, but avail truly avail your self. All of you. Be fully present: mind and body. Speak only when spoken to. Leave cliche at the door along with your pride and best intentions. You must simply arrive. Worry not about appearance or tact for yours is not to cheer or offend. Yours is to be. I offer you these simple instructions, "Sit Down and Shut Up!"
Four little words that could serve us all well.

Ben Wilcox