Quotation

"Calling is a 'Yes' to God that carries a 'No' to the chaos of modern demands."
-Os Guinness

Take a chance

As I look out across the park immediately behind my house to the river that runs by it, I notice that, depending on the day, the flow of that river varies. I’m sure it depends upon the amount of recent precipitation and other factors, but still, it’s interesting to note that despite its seemingly dynamic nature, that river is still the same. It could be three feet higher than average, it could look brown due to a large amount of soil erosion, the temperature could vary dramatically, and no matter what you throw in it (shoes, tires, pop cans, fishing lines), those properties do not change its original identity. It’s still called the Fox River despite all of these variables.
Equally intriguing is my variant desire to explore that river. I’ve lived in my house only a short while, all of which was this past winter; so the river has been much too cold for entry. However, there have been numerous times while gazing at it that I wonder what it’s like to get in, or I think about it’s depth at various places along its route and whether or not I could survive a fall into it. Mostly my daydreamed plans take place in warmer weather when the timing would be better to breach its banks and venture in. (I can see myself racing along in some fun vessel like a kayak!)
Yet, those daydream fantasies may never come to fruition. I’m not really the super-adventurous type. I don’t own a canoe or a kayak. In fact, chances are good my life would turn out just fine if I never get in that river. I could pretty much guarantee I’d never drown by merely staying within the friendly confines of my home (or at least, my yard). I could stay perfectly content simply watching the river run by, day after day. I could still notice all of the differing values of it and wonder safely from behind the window glass. My life would go on- safely and predictably.
But, would I be missing something? Deciding not to risk is still a risk. Would gambling a little of my personal safety be worth it? What adventures and untold discoveries would elude me by not venturing in? By taking part of something I’d always been too fearful to try, might I uncover talents or abilities previously hidden? Maybe there are other timid souls venturing out for the first time to whom I could relate. Or, maybe there would be someone who could ‘show me the ropes’. All of these questions could validate my possible willingness to throw caution to the wind and jump in the river.
Equally alluring is God’s offer to us to share in adventurous community with one another. He’s wired us for compatibility and inter-dependability. Each of us has a ‘grace gift’ (or more) that is meant to enrich the lives of others. We weren’t made for lone-living. God designed His people to do life together. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to others in love, to be held accountable for our commitment to each other, and to feel the support of shared experience and growth through faith, we step into the flow of real life- as it was intended to be. We don’t have to sacrifice our dreams either: God either makes those dreams a reality, or better yet, He replaces them with unimaginable ones. He knows our hearts.
Like the movie, God’s laid out for us a beautiful life- and a river runs through it. He leaves the choice to us, though: struggle along in our daily walk with the crutch of pride under one arm and fear under the other. Or, we can cease relying on our own ambulatory aids, wade in and move towards the sound of rushing water. It’s the call of the Creator to His created to do this together- to realize our potential as His Body: the Church.



“This faith in Jesus Christ not only saves us today, and makes our lives godly; it gives us hope for the future. We have assurance for the future because of God’s promises, and God cannot lie. We are born again “unto a living hope” (I Peter 1:3) because we have trusted the living Christ. We believers have eternal life now, but when Jesus Christ returns, we will enjoy eternal life in an even greater way.”
-Warren Wiersbe

Relief

After my first attempt at public speaking yesterday, I find myself experiencing mixed emotions. Relief from nervousness, appreciation for the support I received, amazement at God's ability to use anyone for His glory, and most of all, gratefulness to Jesus for the difference He's made in my life and the opportunity to tell others about it/Him. (I'm excited about the chance to do better the next time and the next time, etc.) The challenge now, of course, is to represent my words from 'the pulpit' with my actions- everyday & everywhere.
'God, form my character. Continue to transform me into the image of Jesus.' That has to be my prayer . . .
Am I a preacher? Probably not. I have to be is myself, on-stage or off. All any Christian is supposed to do is point the way to Christ. That's our "calling".

"Followers of Christ live by faith alone to the glory of God alone. . . there is no sacred vs. secular, higher vs. lower . . . where calling is concerned. Calling equalizes even the distinctions between clergy and laypeople. It is a matter of 'everyone, everywhere, and in everything' living life in response to God's summons."
-Os Guinness

Ben Wilcox

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen"

-Emerson

Self-reliance

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Timeless love

My mom is the greatest. The day before my wedding she gave me a wonderful gift. It was a picture of my grandfather (her dad) holding me up and praying over me at my baby dedication ceremony. That picture is meaningful to me for so many reasons (among them: my grandpa also performed my wedding), but something else now comes to mind about it. It wasn’t just the reminder of how significant a role my grandfather has always played in my life; it was something I noticed in the background of the photo: Hebrews 13:8.
See, I grew up in Foursquare churches. If you’ve spent any time in one, you’ll notice something they all have in common: displayed on at least one wall will be, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” Oh, how that verse has followed, comforted, and, in some ways, haunted me my whole life. The really sad thing is that, all too often, that truth- that healing, saving, bedrock statement faded into the background of my life . . . just barely noticeable, just as it is almost hidden by the frame of the picture my mom gave me.
So now I ask, “What does Heb. 13:8 mean to me today?”
It means that Jesus was and is perfect. Reading about his childhood, we discover that when he was twelve, separated from his family, and eventually found by them speaking in the temple with the religious teachers, Jesus amazed those around him. He was already introducing himself as pure wisdom, light, and, most of all, love. “So Jesus grew in both height and wisdom, and he was loved by God and by all who knew him.” (Emphasis mine)(Luke 2:52)(NLT)
Today in our crazy, broken, live-for-the-moment world Jesus remains the same. He’ll never leave us. James 1:17-18 reads, “Whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God above who created all heaven’s lights. Unlike them, he never changes or casts shifting shadows. In his goodness he chose to make us his own children by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his choice possession.”
Let’s not be led astray by ‘strange new ideas’. In our hope for tomorrow let’s focus on the truth. The one who was and is and is to come: Jesus. He alone holds our future. “We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. He was willing to die a shameful death on the cross . . . Think about all he endured when sinful people did such terrible things to him, so that you don’t become weary and give up.” Heb. 12:2-3
Please read the following statements, either aloud or silently, placing the words from Heb. 13:8 at the end of each:

- So when new problems come along, or when old pain resurfaces, turn to him because . . .

- And when hope is fading & all seems lost, rely on him because . . .

- If you have a loved one who’s lost, or you yourself need a renewal in your spirit, ask him because . . .

Finally, one thing we can do, confident in our salvation and his love for us, knowing we have eternal life & hope in him by his grace, we come to his throne seeking boldly because his love never fails and because Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. Amen.

AT LAST?

AT LAST?


‘There’s no place like home’. That’s probably true for some. When I consider my childhood, I remember not that ‘Home is where the heart is’, but ‘Home is where your stuff is’. See, I am a preacher’s kid, or at least I was. For those unfamiliar with the profession, being a child of a pastor, depending upon his ministry or denomination, sometimes involves a great deal of transition, both physical and, theoretically, spiritual. In plain language, we moved a lot. For at least two of our moves, I was too young to remember. The others-- well, they seemed to all blend into one bigger memory. On the edge of which lies some excitement about the new or bigger house we were moving into, but at the center lay resentment and confusion as to the need for all of this packing and repacking as well as the prospect of once again being ‘the new kid’. Still, amongst all of this upheaval, I somehow managed to feel ‘at home’ in most of these places. I was a quiet, shy kid who was close to his mom, annoyed by his sisters, and generally avoidant of my dad. I felt safe and was thankful that when a teacher asked my class how many of us came from ‘broken homes’, I didn’t have to raise my hand. That was in grade school and junior high. We had moved maybe three or four times by then. I had some good friends; although I preferred to keep only one or two close to me. I liked my ‘routine’ that I had made for myself, the church seemed to be doing well, and I didn’t see any more moving on the horizon. I had the normal adolescent trials: acne, bad hair, and lack of social grace, but for the most part, this was all manageable. Then, high school happened.



“Come out of things unsaid
Shoot an apple off my head
And a trouble that can’t be named
A tiger’s waiting to be tamed”



‘Home sweet home’ slowly ceased to be so sweet around 1990. I was fifteen and had completed, no- survived my freshman year. I don’t recall the exact moment that I knew something was wrong with my parents’ relationship, but it did begin to unravel in strange ways. This dysfunction also manifested itself in our church, too (or vice versa). Whatever was going on, it seemed like a sure mid-life crisis for my dad and for the church. During the next year and a half, things grew more and more strangely disconnected. I have trouble resurrecting an exact timeline of events, but by the time my junior year started, I had moved once again, grew about six inches (although, mercifully, gained no weight), and lost total touch with what my dad was experiencing. He became a ghost in my life- appearing at surreal moments during the day and vanishing nightly from the house we now rented and magically resurfacing the next day without explanation. I either refused to believe his whereabouts or was more afraid of the truth. With my new lanky, can’t-gain-weight-no-matter-what-I-eat body, and with no reason to want to hang out at this house where my room was an unconverted garage, I took to running. It served as a needed distraction from dysfunction and was useful from distancing myself from reality. I ran the hardest and farthest the day my dad announced his plans to permanently vacate our premises. I even knew it was coming; he’d chosen to give me a preview earlier that day for some reason. I still couldn’t cope, and when he officially spilled it at dinner that summer night, I broke for the door. I never really came home either.
I became a transient with a mailing address. Somehow an epiphany of life abroad with the promise of a free education occurred to me that summer, so I joined the Navy with a delayed entry of August the following year (1993). The busyness of senior year seemed to soothe the transition of divorce. Mom was working full-time; I worked part-time and avoided my sisters full-time now that they were attending my school as freshmen. I logged serious hours at my best friend Mike’s house. His family unofficially adopted me, and they continue to bless me today. The town home we rented gradually ceased to feel all that weird, and oddly enough it’s located only a few blocks from the parsonage which had been home for five years.
Graduation happened soon enough, and my final summer vacation began with a camping trip to Canada with the guys and ended with a shorter trip to North Chicago for boot camp. I guess my adjustment to Navy life was eased by my nomadic past. Of the four years I was in uniform, I totaled only 18 months of time in the US. The rest of the time was either spent living overseas or out to sea aboard one of the two ships that I served in. With only a few square feet of personal space, shipboard life disciplined me in the art of essentials-only living. My prized possessions became my regular-guy civilian clothes and a small photo album my first girlfriend gave me. Seeing the world did mature me a great deal, but the constant upheaval of the military lifestyle certainly didn’t settle my desire for a consistent contentment in my heart or a state of peace in my mind.



“Lights go out and I can’t be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Have brought me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead”



When I was discharged in 1997, I came ‘home’ to a different challenge. My mother had remarried in ’94, and now I was faced with getting to know a new family. My step-dad and his daughter and son were relative strangers to me, yet here I was living in their house. I enrolled in junior college, tried to settle in and- not kill anybody. I found myself being very angry and not really understanding why. This caused serious friction between me and just about everyone I was trying to coexist with, but most of all, it manifested itself with my step-dad. Here, in retrospect, was a wonderful man who had emerged from his own painful divorce, met and married my mother, and who had been unbelievably gracious in accepting my sisters and me into his household. Why did I punish him with my antagonistic behavior? I think I resented his loving example of all the things my own dad had never been to me.
Everyone seemed to have somewhat moved on- except me. I now realize my stint in the Navy had provided me with an escape from the pain of my home-life, but this temporary reprieve it offered actually made everything worse. It was a delayed reaction: as if someone had pressed the pause button on my life’s remote control when I left home after graduation, and now, here with a chance to leave the past in the past, this same someone had cruelly pressed ‘play’ with my emotions. The flood of pain began to flow again as I dealt with all the reasons my dad left which oscillated the blame among me, the church, ‘that other woman’, and of course, dad. I couldn’t seem to handle all of this, and right about the time I had gotten use to the cycle of feeling down about the way my life turned out, getting drunk, sobering, and moving on with my days, it was time for yet another transition.
An air traffic controller job had been something I wanted to pursue since I was a teenager, and this required that I attend some training in Minnesota for 15 weeks. I shared an apartment with three other students and managed to not think about the past for a while. When I returned to my step-dad’s house for the interim basis between graduating from air traffic classes and being hired by the FAA, things were a little better, yet something I couldn’t quite identify was missing in my life. I had had plenty of dates and girlfriends by this time. I was set to have an excellent income very soon. Outwardly, I’m sure appearances would suggest that I had somewhat arrived. But, where? I’m not sure I recognized myself anymore. My new apartment just blocks from my mom didn’t feel like home either.



“I could not stop, that you now know
Singing come out upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I part of the cure?
Or am I part of the disease”



I looked for love repeatedly, too. After many miserable attempts at selecting an appropriate companion, I gave up. When I quit looking I found Lisa. I met her at my new job. She had been there about ten years when I started in 2000. The circumstances that brought us together were as painful as the divorce. Her husband had died of cancer. After only seeing her around work and not really knowing her all that well, something inside of me told me that I was to look after and care for her. I thought I knew her story. I didn’t want her to know mine.
We had been dating less than a year when she made a surprising offer. After helping me look for my first house one day, she suggested moving in with her. Maybe this move would provide the stability I needed. One thing I had learned was that too much time spent alone was dangerous for me due to my overactive mind and still-damaged heart. After living there just a few months though, all of my past pain and my present way of dealing with it- my drinking- came to a head.
For all the reasons I admire Lisa, the one that stands out among the rest is her courage. I literally owe her my life for her willingness to pose the not-so-theoretical question, “If you had to choose one day between alcohol and me, what would it be?” She was afraid that I, just as two other men had that she had loved so dearly in life: her first husband and her dad, would someday leave her. They had preceded her in death, and she was fearful that I was next if a major change didn’t occur in my chosen lifestyle. In some ways, maybe a part of me had died. Whatever the case, I had proven I could no longer sustain my previous pace of life, and the wall I had erected to discourage outsiders from trespassing through the landscape of my pain needed to be breached. Who could I allow to see how broken I had become? How would I resurrect hope? Was there a chance I could feel real peace at last? Could anyone- take me home?



“Confusion that never stops
The closing walls and the ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home”



On June the twenty-eighth of 2003, on a Sunday afternoon, driving home from work having left early due to a monster hangover (again), I arrived at the four-way stop sign two miles from my Lisa’s house. There in my car, I made a call, but I didn’t use any cell phone. Tears began to stream as I called out to the one I knew was listening. I began to sob as I pleaded with the one that had never really left me alone. I put my hands up as I surrendered control of my spiraling life. I reached out to the only one who knew the way back- to comfort and peace, to real joy and contentment. I offered the reigns of my existence to the one whose love would lead me home again. “Please God, if you’re real, be real to me.” The waves of relief, redemption and release poured over me. “I can’t do this anymore.” “I need you to be in charge of my life.” I can’t describe the warmth that resulted from my abdication. It was as if God had placed his hand on mine and whispered gently, “Welcome back. Let’s go home.”

The last year and a half has passed so quickly. I can’t describe the difference in my life. Lisa is now my wife. My job has gotten so much easier now that I no longer test the limits with my after-hours nightlife. Almost all of my relationships have improved now that alcohol is no longer atop my priority list. Most importantly there is a new relevance to how I spend my days. All of my visions of the future are cast in the light of eternity. I realize there is more to this existence than the here and now. Fleeting pleasures and temporary numbness to pain can no longer satisfy my desire for true significance. The love I receive from God and how I in turn pass it on to others determines my real self-worth.



“And nothing else compares
You are, you are
Home, home, where I wanted to go
Home, home, where I wanted to go (you are)”



Os Guinness once wrote, “A Christian is someone who in this life is always on the road as ‘a follower of Christ’ and a follower of ‘The Way’.” That’s true: our lasting home is in heaven with our Savior. But, while I am here, while I can’t yet see my Lord, I know that no matter where I go, He’s there- in my heart, and I always have that with me. As Christians, we are citizens of heaven, not yet arrived. We have a personal relationship with the best guide there is, though. He’s made it our responsibility to show others the way back to the house. We may never feel completely comfortable on this earth. That’s O.K. We have a family of other believers. As Zach Braff wrote, “Maybe that’s all a family really is; a group of people who miss the same . . . place.”





P.S. Lisa and I recently bought a new house together, and you know what? It’s starting to feel like home.







(Lyrics: “Clocks” by Coldplay)

Ben Wilcox: March 2005

my PSALM 23


God the Father is my dad.
In Him I have all the relationship I missed when I was younger.
He sets my mind (my ‘Ben-Head’) at ease: it’s like I’m standing next to a peaceful river.
He builds my self-esteem.
My dad encourages me to follow the straight and narrow so that His great name will be honored above all.
Although day to day I work in darkness and evil & discontent abound,
I won’t be afraid or discouraged from letting your light shine because you are right there with me.
I feel your hand on my shoulder.
You fix my favorite meal for me whenever I’m down on myself.
You clean me up and let me sit in you favorite chair.
You put money in my wallet when I’m not looking.
I know beyond any doubt that you’ll never leave me.
In fact you’ll be right there beside me, even when I don’t see you,
For the rest of my life.
You’ll always keep a room for me in your house.

Faith?

GOD WANTS ME TO HAVE A FAITH THAT IS:

Serious= Hebrews 11- v.13 “All these faithful ones died without receiving what God had promised them, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed the promises of God. v.39 “All of these people we have mentioned received God’s approval because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. v.40 “For God had far better things in mind for us that would also benefit them, for they can’t receive the prize at the end of the race until we finish the race.”
Romans 4:16- “So that’s why faith is the key! God’s promise is given to us as a free gift. And we are certain to receive it . . . if we have faith like Abraham’s. For Abraham is the father of all who believe.”
James 2:14b- “What’s the use of saying you have faith if you don’t prove it by your actions? That kind of faith can’t save anyone.”

Persistent= II Timothy 4:5- “But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don’t be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at bringing others to Christ. Complete the ministry God has given you.”
Matthew 6:33- “and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.”
Hebrews 13:14- “For this world is not our home; we are looking forward to our city in heaven, which is yet to come.”

“As (George) MacDonald makes clear all through his writing, God promises us joy, but not safety; a full life, but not a painless one; the laughter that comes with full faith in God’s loving purpose, but also tears. He promises us a broad road with a narrow gate.”
-Madeleine L’Engle

Perceptive= Hebrews 11:1- “What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.”
Romans 10:17- “Yet faith comes from listening to this message of good news – the Good News about Christ.”


II Timothy 2:11-13

“This is a true saying:

If we die with him,
We will also live with him.
If we endure hardship,
We will reign with him.
If we deny him,
He will deny us.
If we are unfaithful,
He remains faithful,
For he cannot deny himself.

More than today

All the time in the world?



“The core motivation of humanness, it is claimed, is rational calculation of how to maximize our best interests. Ironically, a ‘free market’ does not create a society as free as many think, for the constant pricing and charging of everything acts like series of customs tolls blocking the free flow of ideas and relationships. Equally ironically, we eventually cannot afford what we most desire- deep relationships. For if ‘time is money’ and people take time, then the ‘opportunity costs’ of relationships (the gain that we would earn by doing something else) will be prohibitive and intimate friendships will be few. ‘Spending’ time with friends is costly; we could invest it better elsewhere.”
- Os Guinness


We certainly do live in a society that considers time a commodity. Now, think of how many ways there are to spend your time. Secondly, what value do you place on your time? Finally, think about how absurd it is to think that we can actually control the passing minutes. Terms such as ‘time management’ are really crazy. All you can do is plan better, or at the very least, decide how to prioritize your days.
However, our culture tries its hardest to speed up the clock: I-pass toll lanes, one-hour photo services, Chili’s curbside delivery. All of these exist in response to our desire to do a million things at once, our fear of wasting time, and our apparent reluctance to simply get out of our cars. Look at the explosion of the drive-through window craze. They are everywhere. We have them for just about every conceivable convenience. Are you in a rush to tie the knot? Don’t worry! Just pull up to the second window, and a real-life minister will assist you shortly. (Please have correct change.)
Yet, I really think the problem comes down to one of priorities. We place a huge emphasis on satisfying our needs in the quickest way possible, but we fail to realize that tomorrow may never come. We procrastinate in calling our best friends (I’ll do it this weekend), but we don’t think that the medicine which may save our lives is worth the wait (drive-thru pharmacy). So, in light of all of these seemingly misplaced values, why do we rush towards the unimportant: cheeseburgers, pictures, & Viagra, and drag our feet when it comes to communicating with the ones we love? I would suggest that all of this stems from our belief that ‘there is always tomorrow’.
But, what if there isn’t? What if you knew exactly when you were checking out? What if the day and time of death for everyone were common knowledge? Would your priorities change? What friend or family member would you call that you haven’t? Also, would the checkout line at the store really be an eternity? Wouldn’t you want to make the most of your remaining time and spend it with those who mean the most to you?
That’s exactly what one man did. In light of his limited time left, he gathered those closest to him and had one final night of talking, reminiscing, and crying- together. He knew his time was coming to an end, and he didn’t want to waste one minute. You see, his entire life was lived with an eye towards eternity. He set his sights down-range. He knew the number of his days, and he did all he could to ensure that his friends and followers could carry on without him. He had invested in the lives of these men, and he loved them more than they could know.
On that final night, the eve of his passing, I can imagine his final sentiments: “Guys, I’m not going to be around much longer. In fact, tonight is it. I know this all sounds crazy, but it’s true. I can’t explain everything yet, but very soon this will all make sense. Please know that everything I’ve ever said or done was in total love for you. I’m so proud of you guys. You don’t realize just how far you’ve come since we first met. Because you won’t see me for awhile, I want you to start a new tradition whenever you get together. (No, Pete, it’s not a secret handshake) I want you guys to share this special meal with each other. What you serve as the food really isn’t important. It’s what’s in your hearts that is. They’ve got to be right and pure. When coming to the table for this supper, remember to check your hearts for cleanliness, even more than your hands or feet. Once you know that your heart is in line, then eat and drink. Enjoy it, but remember me. What you will see tomorrow won’t be pleasant, but I need you to keep it in mind whenever you participate in this new tradition together. Don’t be saddened, however. It’s all for you. You’ll see. My love will never leave you. Just do one thing, guys- remember. Whatever else you do, don’t forget me. Remember everything: all of our times together, the miracles that happened, and the tragedies, too. Most of all know this: I love you with all of my heart and all that I am; I’ll never leave you, even when you don’t see. I’ll always be right there among you and beside you, even until the end of the world.”
om/">Ben Wilcox

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